¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-04-21 703

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body for our convenience.
These days, we don¡¯t need to bring cash or use atm if we have a cell phone.
Of course, most Korean are using credit cards when they pay.
But nowadays, countries where people are using credit cards when they buy things are increasing.
In china, most people are using wechat pay, so if someone has a cell phone, they can pay without cash and credit cards.
In Korea, we are also using Samsung pay, the number of using Samsung pay is increasing.
But people who are using iphone can¡¯t use Samsung pay and they can¡¯t use even apple pay because apple pay is used in only America now.
However, this problem will be improvements in the future and we will use cell phone when we pay everywhere.
Accordingly, we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body at the expense of risk.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work! 

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body for our convenience.
>>> I think we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our bodies for our convenience.

These days, we don¡¯t need to bring cash or use ATM if we have a cell phone.
>>> CORRECT

Of course, most Korean are using credit cards when they pay.
>>> CORRECT
OR: Most Koreans use credit cards when they pay. 

But nowadays, countries where people are using credit cards when they buy things are increasing.
>>> But nowadays, the countries, where people are using credit cards when they buy things, are increasing.

In china, most people are using wechat pay, so if someone has a cell phone, they can pay without cash and credit cards.
>>> In China, most people are using WeChat Pay, so if someone has a cell phone then they can pay without cash and credit cards.

In Korea, we are also using Samsung pay, the number of using Samsung pay is increasing.
>>> In Korea, we are also using Samsung Pay, and the number of people using Samsung Pay is increasing.

But people who are using iphone can¡¯t use Samsung pay and they can¡¯t use even apple pay because apple pay is used in only America now.
>>> But people who are using iPhone can¡¯t use Samsung Pay and they can¡¯t even use even Apple Pay because it is only used in America now.

However, this problem will be improvements in the future and we will use cell phone when we pay everywhere.
>>> However, this problem will be improved in the future and we will use our cellphone when we pay everywhere.

Accordingly, we don¡¯t need to put a microchip on our body at the expense of risk.
>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
107450 Homework ÀÓ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 3
107449 Homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 492
107448 My country Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 562
107447 What was the most exciting thing that happened to you this... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 0
107446 homework ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 2
107445 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1
107444 home work(4.12) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 974
107443 Are there any foods or flavors which you didn\'t use to like... ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 542
107442 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 0
107441 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 874
107440 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-13 1
107439 Hi teacher~ ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 456
107438 Hi teacher~ ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 707
107437 Hi teacher~ ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 360
107436 Homework (260) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 546
107435 I... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 1
107434 interview Q ±Ç*½Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 0
107433 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 453
107432 Moon takes election rout as reprimand from the public, Cheon Wa... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 1
107431 [04/09]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-04-12 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04