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Do you agree that corporal punishment is the only way for the present generation to have good manner

작성자: 권*원
2021-04-28 728

회원님의 영작문

Actually, I agree that corporal punishment is the only way for the present generation to have good manners.
In today’s class, I said that we would be better not to punish children but the case of corporal punishment is different from children’s education.
Have you ever seen the movie, Blindness?
The movie said that if we don’t have laws, we will kill each other to attain to power.
I totally agree with the movie’s argument.
Once upon a time, we didn’t have laws, so we kill each other to attain to power.
But, after laws and nations that control people appeared, we could control the fights.
Therefore, if we don’t have laws and corporal punishment, our generation won’t maintain good manners. Laws and corporal punishment are important factors that sustain the whole world

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work! 

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)


Q: Do you agree that corporal punishment is the only way for the present generation to have good manners back? Explain. 

Actually, I agree that corporal punishment is the only way for the present generation to have good manners.
>>> CORRECT

In today’s class, I said that we would be better not to punish children but the case of corporal punishment is different from children’s education.
>>> In today’s class, I have said that it would be better not to punish children but the case of corporal punishment is different from children’s education because it's for them to have manners.

Have you ever seen the movie, Blindness?
>>> CORRECT

The movie said that if we don’t have laws, we will kill each other to attain to power.
>>> The movie said that if we don’t have laws, we will kill each other to attain power.

I totally agree with the movie’s argument.
>>> CORRECT

Once upon a time, we didn’t have laws, so we kill each other to attain to power.
>>> Once upon a time, we don’t have laws, so we will kill each other to attain power.
OR: In the past, we don’t have laws, so we will kill each other to attain power.

But, after laws and nations that control people appeared, we could control the fights.
>>> CORRECT
OR: But, after laws and nations that control people appeared, like United Nations, we started to control the fights and the killings.

Therefore, if we don’t have laws and corporal punishment, our generation won’t maintain good manners. 
>>> CORRECT

Laws and corporal punishments are important factors that sustain the whole world. 
>>> CORRECT
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