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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Do you believe that a father\'s mistake should be paid for by the daughter or the son? Explain.

작성자: 권*원
2021-05-06 476

회원님의 영작문

Father’s mistake shouldn’t be paid for by the daughter or the son because they aren’t the people who commit a crime.
In Korea, it is forbidden for parent’s sins to be passed on to children.
However, even if children didn’t inherit parent’s sins, our society ostracizes the children thoroughly.
If someone commits a crime, most neighboring people know the fact and start to ignore criminal’s family even his or her children.
From that moment, the children are abandoned by society.
The children who couldn’t be loved by society commit a crime like their parents.
Actually, most criminals haven’t been loved by society and their family.
Therefore, we should guarantee the children’s privacy and rather we should protect them.
If they can be loved by society, crime rates in our society can be lowered.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Cleo,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Do you believe that a father\'s mistake should be paid for by the daughter or the son? Explain.


Father’s mistake shouldn’t be paid for by the daughter or the son because they aren’t the people who commit a crime.
>>> CORRECT
OR: A father's mistake shouldn’t be paid for by the daughter or the son because they aren’t the ones who committed the crime. 

In Korea, it is forbidden for parent’s sins to be passed on to children.
>>> CORRECT
OR: In Korea, it is forbidden for parent’s sins to be passed on to their children.

However, even if children didn’t inherit parent’s sins, our society ostracizes the children thoroughly.
>>> However, even if the children didn’t inherit their parent’s sins, our society ostracizes their children thoroughly.

If someone commits a crime, most neighboring people know the fact and start to ignore criminal’s family even his or her children.
>>> If someone commits a crime, most of their neighbors who knew will start to ignore and treat them as outcasts of the criminal's family including their children. They even treat them as a criminal too. 

From that moment, the children are abandoned by society.
>>> CORRECT

The children who couldn’t be loved by society commit a crime like their parents.
>>> CORRECT
OR: These children whom society couldn't love will be forced to commit a crime like their parents. 

Actually, most criminals haven’t been loved by society and their family.
>>> Actually, most criminals haven’t been loved by society and their families.

Therefore, we should guarantee the children’s privacy and rather we should protect them.
>>> Therefore, we should guarantee these children’s privacy, and rather we should protect them.

If they can be loved by society, crime rates in our society can be lowered.
>>> CORRECT
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