¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

HM

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2021-06-04 827

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q. Would you personally consider adoption as an option for the aging population in your country? Explain your answer.

A. If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as an ageing policy. because adoption should be a home specific right. If there are some policy for encourage adoption from abroad, some people adopt children for only social gain without love and responsibility. It cause huge misfortune to child.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Kim,

  Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you. 

Keep up the good work!

Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)



Q. Would you personally consider adoption as an option for the aging population in your country? Explain your answer.

A. If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as an ageing policy. because adoption should be a home specific right. 
>>> If the meaning of "adoption" is adoption from abroad, it should not be done as a solution to the aging population because it should be home-specific. 

If there are some policy for encourage adoption from abroad, some people adopt children for only social gain without love and responsibility. 
>>> If there are some policies for encouraging adoption from abroad, then some people adopt children for social gain alone without love and responsibility. 

It cause huge misfortune to child.
>>> In that case, it causes huge misfortune to the child. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
109293 Homework (302) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 432
109292 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 421
109291 If you were planning a party on a very small budget, what would... ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 477
109290 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 530
109289 Hi, Sharon. È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 0
109288 Should parents be held responsible for their children\'s... ÀÌ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 438
109287 homework ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 4
109286 Homework Ç¥*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 4
109285 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 400
109284 I like the citrus scent the most! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 428
109283 The extreme weather conditions ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 4
109282 If you were planning a party on a very small budget, what would... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 542
109281 Plan to expand substitute holiday system gaining traction ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 407
109280 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 440
109279 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 490
109278 homework Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 421
109277 homework Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 406
109276 What have made you look pale? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 446
109275 If you were planning a party on a very small budget, what would... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 0
109274 How to love my family. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-06-10 438

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04