¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Describe the set up of an ideal family. (In your own idea or concept.)

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2021-06-25 526

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, the most important factor which makes a perfect family is having their own place. Some people are comfortable and feel stability when they spend their time alone. However, there are many people who can¡¯t take a rest alone because they live with their family. They cannot have own place and time to relax quietly. If all family members have their rooms respectively, they could be guaranteed to be free. When family members are relaxed, they can make a good relationship with their family. They also can conceal their personal thing. Their secrete can be protected. Therefore, I think the ideal family is not to interrupt other¡¯s work and to have own rooms.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Thank you for this Ria!

In my opinion, the most important factor which makes a perfect family is having their own place. 
>>>  correct  
Some people are comfortable and feel stability when they spend their time alone. 
>>> correct   
However, there are many people who can¡¯t take a rest alone because they live with their family. 
>>> correct  
They cannot have own place and time to relax quietly. 
>>>  OR: They cannot have their own place and time to relax quietly. 
If all family members have their rooms respectively, they could be guaranteed to be free. 
>>> correct  
When family members are relaxed, they can make a good relationship with their family. 
>>> correct    
They also can conceal their personal thing. 
>>> OR; They can also conceal their personal things.
>>> OR: They can also be guaranteed of personal privacy.   
Their secrete can be protected. 
>>>  Their secrets can be protected.  
Therefore, I think the ideal family is not to interrupt other¡¯s work and to have own rooms.
>>Therefore, I think the ideal family is not to interrupt with others' work and to have own rooms.  
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111678 The West ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 474
111677 27th homework Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 1
111676 Should there be strong punishment against racism? °í*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 356
111675 HOMEWORK FOR 09.07 ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 2
111674 What do you think the most common crime in your country is? Do... ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 403
111673 Who, besides your parents, had the biggest impact on your... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 1
111672 Ninja vs samurai À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 395
111671 How long do you study before your exam? Please tell me about... ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 520
111670 Homework ¾ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 0
111669 What is the best thing about your neighborhood? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 2
111668 What kind of people do you like best? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 380
111667 How do movie reviews affect your interest in a certain movie? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-07 408
111666 special restaurant Á¤*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 326
111665 What age do you want to be a mother? Why? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 1
111664 IELTS writing task1 ½Å*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 5
111663 page 33 ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 449
111662 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 442
111661 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 406
111660 If you can go on a trip with your family, where would it be and... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 390
111659 oh my god!!!!!!!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 375

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04