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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number, and so on) for purpose

작성자: 황*하
2021-08-11 490

회원님의 영작문

I don't understand why most websites want users to put their personal information regardless of the type of business. I can provide it to a bank because it deals with money for customers so they need to identify customer's information every step. However, I don't think portal sites have to confirm user's ID when they want to join it because it's just search engine, there aren't potential harm to users and providers too. The government have implemented the different type of identification system due to the complexity of joining websites and inconvenience of installing various firewall programs. People have experienced to install those programs. Most of them spent a lot of time to install it and have been encountered difficulties because of many reasons like program problem itself, hardware and users' skills. I know that privacy have to be first things whose company consider but they also are needed to care the user's convenience too. I think that it would be good to use smart phone.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Mr. Hwang~! Happy Thursday! How are you doing? I hope you're doing  great. Well, I'm hungry now... hahaha See you tomorrow!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I don't understand why most websites want users to put their personal information regardless of the type of business. 
>>> CORRECT
I can provide it to a bank because it deals with money for customers so they need to identify customer's information every step.
>>> I can provide it to the bank because it deals with money for customers so they need to identify the customer's information in every step.
 However, I don't think portal sites have to confirm user's ID when they want to join it because it's just search engine, there aren't potential harm to users and providers too. 
>>>  However, I don't think portal sites have to confirm user's ID when they want to join on it because it's just a search engine, there aren't potential harms to users and providers too. 
The government have implemented the different type of identification system due to the complexity of joining websites and inconvenience of installing various firewall programs. 
>>> The government has implemented the different types of identification systems due to the complexity of joining websites and inconveniency of installing various firewall programs. 
People have experienced to install those programs. 
>>> People have experienced installing those programs. 
Most of them spent a lot of time to install it and have been encountered difficulties because of many reasons like program problem itself, hardware and users' skills.
>>> Most of them spent a lot of time to install it and had encountered difficulties because of many reasons like program problem itself, hardware and users' skills.
 I know that privacy have to be first things whose company consider but they also are needed to care the user's convenience too.
>>>  I know that privacy had to be the first thing whose company consider but they're also needed to take care of the user's convenience too.
 I think that it would be good to use smart phone.
>>> I think it would be better to use smart phone.
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01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
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02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

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