¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

please open the pile and revise the passage in the pile~

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*Áø
2021-09-11 418

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



if you can't open the pile, you don't have to revise and just send a message~

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Shin!
I think what you mean is "chef" since you're talking about a job. Other than this word, most of your terms are good. I also suggested some revisions. Please don't forget to use the correct punctuation marks as well. Well done! Thank you. ^^
~Elica~

There are many interesting job these days, but the first think that comes to mind is a cook. 

>>There are many interesting jobs these days, but the first thing that comes to mind is a chef. 

There are many types of cooks such as western food cooks, Japanese food cooks and Korean food cooks. 

>>There are many types of chefs, such as Western food chefs, Japanese food chefs, and Korean food chefs. 

All these types of cooks produce creative meal with their own ideas.

>>All these types of chefs produce creative meals with their ideas. 

 

Surprisingly, none of these cooking jobs really requires a specific education. 

>>Surprisingly, none of these cooking jobs require specific education. 

Some cooks can make it with just natural talent. 

>>Some chefs can make it with just natural talent. 

In Korea, however, many people study fundamental skills and nutrition to be a cook. 

>>In Korea, however, many people study fundamental skills and nutrition to be a cook. 

Whether they have formal education or natural talent, all cooks must have observational skills and diverse experiences

>>Whether they have formal education or natural talent, all chefs must have observational skills and diverse experiences.

 

  There are a couple of reasons why this job is interesting. 

  >>CORRECT

  First, cooks can satisfy the taste of people. 

  >>First, chefs can satisfy the cravings of people. 

  Second they can share their ideas and cause impressive reactions form so many people. 

  >>Second, they can share their ideas and impress so many people. 

  Third, I think cooking is very special because cooks should continuously make a challenge to come up with new ideas.

  >>Third, I think cooking is very special because chefs should continuously challenge themselves to come up with new ideas. 

  In some parts of jobs, people feel boredom and the need for stimulation due to the same routine. 

 >>In some jobs, people get bored and feel the need for stimulation due to the same routine. 

  However, the work of cooks encourages themselves to challenge in their mind

  >>However, their job encourages every chef to keep challenging their minds themselves. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114902 Are you a morning person? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 190
114901 Homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 0
114900 What memory in your life would you want to forget and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 946
114899 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 215
114898 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1
114897 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 503
114896 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 0
114895 Why can\'t we see stars in the morning? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 2
114894 In other countries, when someone gets old they often go to live... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 176
114893 eating ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 225
114892 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1
114891 What are the possible causes for having a vice? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1502
114890 Do you feel safe when you use public transportation? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 1
114889 When is the best time to give smartphones to our kids? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-21 0
114888 Do you think smartphone and time increase or decrease... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 2
114887 My friend ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 222
114886 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1
114885 homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1085
114884 If you are not able to forgive others, you carry the burden on... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 297
114883 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1016

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04