¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Music is vital for me

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-09-20 381

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Music is not vital for someone, however music is vital for many people. For example, In movie, music is vital things.If there isn't music the movie will be boring. Or, If music isn't exist then we can't relax music anymore. Peaceful music gives us lots of relaxing, so music can treat our spirit.
In my case, I relaxed by music and study with music. Music makes my brain pay attention something more. So I think music is vital for my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Music is not vital for someone, however music is vital for many people.
>> Music is not vital for everybody; however, it is vital for many people.

For example, In movie, music is vital things.
>> in addition, it is vital in movies.

If there isn't music the movie will be boring.
>> If there weren't music, movies would be boring.

Or, If music isn't exist then we can't relax music anymore. 
>> Moreover, if it didn't exist, we couldn't relax anymore.

Peaceful music gives us lots of relaxing, so music can treat our spirit.
>>Relaxing music calms us, so it can treat our spirits.

In my case, I relaxed by music and study with music. 
>> In my case, I relax by listening to music, and I study with music.

Music makes my brain pay attention something more. 
>> It makes my brain pay attention to something more. 

So I think music is vital for my life.
>> So I think music is vital for my life.

Hi, Daniel! Thank you for doing your homework during your vacation.  I hope you had a great one. 

You can use pronouns instead of writing the same nouns over and over. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
111650 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 1
111649 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 2
111648 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 387
111647 Homework {09/06} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 440
111646 Which one do you prefer, working alone or working with other... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 458
111645 34 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 338
111644 My government ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 1
111643 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 1
111642 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 356
111641 Would you consider living in a retirement home when you\'re... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 1
111640 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 412
111639 n many situations, people who break the law should be warned... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 370
111638 How do you say clearly what\'s on your mind? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 4
111637 Monday\'s diary. ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 0
111636 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 352
111635 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 6
111634 Knowing What to Buy ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 309
111633 What is my favorite season ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 394
111632 Do you know of any interesting or unique restaurants in your... ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 442
111631 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-06 371

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04