¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ielts task 2 part 1

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*±¸
2021-09-22 854

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



It is true that people can easily access to Internet as the technology developed day by day. Also we can get some advices from Internet to solve a number of tasks.
It sounds really nice but it said ¡®where there is light, there is also shadows.¡¯ Because Internet is really huge, containing enormous amount of information, not everything is correct in this world.
In the positive view, Internet has been used to give information what people wanted to know, and this process had gone pretty well. There are lots of sites that gives lots of information like ¡®Wikipedia¡¯, accessing by searching engines like ¡®Google¡¯. And these kinds of searching sites give us an official information without any lies.
However, not every sites are giving us right data. In some community sites like ¡®reddit¡¯ or ¡®4chan¡¯ what is really famous can provide us wrong information that can confuse people. Because Internet world is granted anonymous, they can tell lies or fake news whenever they want.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Ian!

I am happy to see you here on the composition page even on a holiday. The suggestions in red marks do not mean that you committed a lot of mistakes. There are only a few omission of some unnecessary words or insertion of the correct expression or vocabulary. Moreover, be extra cautious about your subject-verb agreement specially when it comes to "every". The content and construction of thought is well buttressed and discussed. Very good!

I hope that you were able to practice well during Chuseok. See you tomorrow in class!

-T. Donna =)

It is true that people can easily access to Internet as the technology developed day by day. Also we can get some advices from Internet to solve a number of tasks.
>> It is true that people can easily access the Internet as technology develops day by day. Also, we can get some advice from the Internet to solve a number of tasks.

It sounds really nice but it said ¡®where there is light, there is also shadows.¡¯ Because Internet is really huge, containing enormous amount of information, not everything is correct in this world.
>> It sounds really nice but it is said that ¡®where there is light, there are also shadows.¡¯ Because Internet is really huge, containing enormous amount of information may mislead some because not everything is correct in this world.

In the positive view, Internet has been used to give information what people wanted to know, and this process had gone pretty well. 
>> On a positive view, Internet has been used to give information on what people wanted to know, and this process had gone pretty well. 

There are lots of sites that gives lots of information like ¡®Wikipedia¡¯, accessing by searching engines like ¡®Google¡¯. And these kinds of searching sites give us an official information without any lies.
>>  There are lots of sites that give lots of information like the Wikipedia, accessing it by searching engines like ¡®Google¡¯. And these kinds of searching sites give us an official information without any lies.

However, not every sites are giving us right data. In some community sites like ¡®reddit¡¯ or ¡®4chan¡¯ what is really famous can provide us wrong information that can confuse people. Because Internet world is granted anonymous, they can tell lies or fake news whenever they want.
>> However, not every site is giving us the right data. In some community sites like Reddit or 4chan what is really famous can provide us wrong information that can confuse people. Because the Internet world is granted anonymous, they can tell lies or fake news whenever they want.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110301 homework Àü*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 475
110300 holiday ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 609
110299 Weightlifting in Tokyo Olympics ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 464
110298 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 410
110297 living on the beach. ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 561
110296 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 1
110295 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 373
110294 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 1
110293 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 588
110292 I think offline class is more benefit to me*^^* ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 610
110291 Homework {07/26} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 436
110290 If you can make your own holiday, what would it be? When should... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 554
110289 My goal ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 1
110288 What is your favorite celebration? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 379
110287 homework ¹é*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 564
110286 What do you like about hiking? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 5
110285 What do you like about cooking? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 4
110284 Homework😄😄😄😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 720
110283 Why do you think people celebrate Thanksgiving Day? ¿ì*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 540
110282 Homework ¿ì*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-07-26 580

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04