¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

One of thing that robot can\'t: kindness

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-01 518

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the most important thing is kindness. Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing. I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
First, robot's intelligence is better than human. Robot's IQ is about 10000. Usual genius's IQ is about 180.So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot. But kind person has thing that better than robot.
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily. But kindness is very hard to change. Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


I think the most important thing is kindness.
>> This is a good sentence. 

Of course, intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.
>> Of course intelligence and beauty are also important, but kindness is the most important thing.

I'll cite two reason why kindness is the most important thing.
>> I'll cite two reasons why it is the most important thing.

First, robot's intelligence is better than human.
>> First, robots are smarter than humans.

Robot's IQ is about 10000.
>> A robot's IQ is about 1000.

Usual genius's IQ is about 180.
>> Usually, a genius IQ is about 180.

So, if some person is very smart, but not kind, than the person is human that is worse than robot.
>> If a person is very smart but unkind, he/she is worse than a robot.

But kind person has thing that better than robot.
>> However, a kind person is better than a robot.

Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our beauty easily.
>> 
Second, if we want to be beautiful, we can change our appearance easily.

But kindness is very hard to change. 
>> However, kindness is very hard to change.

Frankly, human's important thing is kindness, not beauty.
>> Therefore, kindness, not beauty, should be more important for humans.


Hello, Daniel!  
Thanks for your effort in writing your homework. Review the corrections for your improvement.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
110518 HOMEWORK ±Ç*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 388
110517 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 527
110516 What is in your bucket list? ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 1
110515 Do you think it\'s necessary to move out of your parents house... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 448
110514 a killing time ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 3
110513 What is the most difficult decision that you have had to make? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 329
110512 How would your friends describe you? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 458
110511 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 404
110510 My Homework(Should I wright my homework here...?) °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 694
110509 What Is The First Thing You¡¯ll Do Once Corona-19 Is Gone? È«*Çý ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 7
110508 Olympic ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 1008
110507 21/08/03 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 348
110506 HOMEWORK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 308
110505 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 510
110504 I think dogs are more loyal. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 436
110503 Homework 8.3 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 1067
110502 Fill in the blanks ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 537
110501 Who has inspired you the most? How did he or she inspire you? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 1
110500 Do you think it\'s necessary to move out of your parents house... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 419
110499 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-08-03 422

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04