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영작교정 게시판

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Do you think the university entrance examination test is really the first step to a better life for

작성자: 황*하
2021-10-11 227

회원님의 영작문

I don't want to admit that entrance exam is the most important thing in people's life, especially, in Korea. However, it is the true we can't ignore. It is also reported that people who graduated the university are working in the higher position than ones who didn't have degree in the USA. We believe that the USA is the country which provide equal chance to everyone but ,in fact, there are still a lot of discrimination according to the economic status. Ex-president has stressed that the importance of education. So he always gave people messages that "You can have a chance to get education and enter the university, if so your life will be successful.". Base on the statistics, there are much more worker who don't have graduation certification in America. I am not sure if it is the land of opportunity because limited people are treated well, whereas rest of people have economic problem because of the worse wages. Korea has same problem as the US has. I feel really sad because of reality.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good afternoon Seha! 
The gap between the poor and rich these days is absolutely increasing. 
Maybe their is no perfect solution to this kind of problem, but educating yourself will make it better. 

I don't want to admit that entrance exam is the most important thing in people's life, especially, in Korea. 
>>> CORRECT!
However, it is the true we can't ignore.
>>> However, it is true that we cannot ignore it.
It is also reported that people who graduated the university are working in the higher position than ones who didn't have degree in the USA. 
>>> It is also reported that people who graduated from university work in higher positions than those who did not have a degree in the United States.
We believe that the USA is the country which provide equal chance to everyone but ,in fact, there are still a lot of discrimination according to the economic status. 
>>> We believe that the United States is a country that provides equal opportunities for everyone, but in fact, there is still a lot of discrimination depending on their economic status.
Ex-president has stressed that the importance of education. 
>>> The former President stressed the importance of education. 
So he always gave people messages that "You can have a chance to get education and enter the university, if so your life will be successful.". 
>>> So he always gave people a message, "You can get educated and have a chance to enter college, if so, your life will succeed."
Base on the statistics, there are much more worker who don't have graduation certification in America. 
>>> According to statistics, there are far more workers in the United States without graduation certificates.
I am not sure if it is the land of opportunity because limited people are treated well, whereas rest of people have economic problem because of the worse wages. 
>>> While limited people are treated well, the rest have economic problems because of worse wages, so we are not sure if it is a land of opportunity.
Korea has same problem as the US has. 
>>> Korea has the same problem as the United States.
I feel really sad because of reality.
>>> I feel really sad because of this reality.
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