¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Young adult\'s most hardest thing

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2021-10-12 387

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think this topic for me, because I am a young adult.
Young adults, We are very ambiguous of almost part.
Old adults tell us, we don't have so much passion and patience.
And young student tell us you look so already grow up cool.
But the present, we got confused, change many thing everyday and we don't have any fix thing.
Most hardest point is find my self.
When I loose my ego, I am not existence in the world anymore.
Just my opinion.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann:)

Being a young adult is probably some of the best years of your life, but equally the most stressful, right? Young adults experience different kinds of stress. It's just a matter of how you are going to manage it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think this topic for me, because I am a young adult.
>> I think this topic is for me because I am a young adult.

Young adults, We are very ambiguous of almost part.
>> Young adults are very ambiguous to almost anything. 

Old adults tell us, we don't have so much passion and patience.
>> Adults usually tell us that we don't have the passion and patience. 

And young student tell us you look so already grow up cool.
>> And children look at us like we are very cool. 

But the present, we got confused, change many thing everyday and we don't have any fix thing.
>> In reality, we are often confused. We make changes constantly and don't fix things right away. 

Most hardest point is find my self.
>> The hardest part is finding one's self. 

When I loose my ego, I am not existence in the world anymore.
>> When I loose my ego, it's like I am not existing in the world anymore.

Just my opinion.
>> This is just my opinion. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112406 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 1
112405 How different is North Korea from South Korea nowadays? Explain... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 316
112404 Games are not just games ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 295
112403 If you cannot have children, would you consider adaption? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1
112402 What is your favorite childhood game and why? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 280
112401 Describe a movie that inspired you the most. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1066
112400 9.30 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 0
112399 How can stress be good or helpful to us? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 446
112398 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 323
112397 Some people today prefer to get advice for medical problems and... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 414
112396 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 377
112395 My opinion: the most difficult place to survive;DESERT ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 361
112394 How close are you to your extended family? È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 690
112393 Homework ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 3
112392 HOMEWORK: Do you have a favorite actor? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1
112391 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 720
112390 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 680
112389 32 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 326
112388 25 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 401
112387 1 of Oct - writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 316

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04