¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

To send confidential information

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À¯*Áø
2021-10-27 442

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jin!

I also think that you are absolutely right about confidentiality of messages in the e-mail. At times, there are sensitive information such as bank passwords and others. So, we have to take precautions well.

The underlined words or phrases are my suggestions and their explanations are in black text. Please go over them below.

Thank you for your homework and a job well done!

See you tomorrow.

-T. Donna =)

I think that the e-mail sending is a little dangerous for the confidential
information. 
>> I think that sending e-mail is a little dangerous for confidential
information. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) The pattern of most sentences in English follows the Subject+ Verb+ Object. So " I think that sending e-mail..." is the better way to put it.
    2.) Some nouns do not need "the" before them depending on their use in a sentence.

That reasons are easy to escape them to someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
>> Those reasons are easy to escape from someone and
unable to secure the confidential report. 
EXPLANATION: 1.) "That" is singular and "those" is plural. Since you used "reasons", you have to use plural.
    2.) If there is a source, then it is better to use "from" specially when we use the verb "escape", like, " The criminal escaped from the prison cell."

So, the most of people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
>>  So, most of the people use
the personal fax and Social Network Services in daily life conveniently .
EXPLANATION: 1.) Just remove "the" between "So, most" because it should be before people.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112409 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 426
112408 Should adults with jobs still live with their parents but pay... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 0
112407 Should parents help their children plan their future? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 1
112406 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 1
112405 How different is North Korea from South Korea nowadays? Explain... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 352
112404 Games are not just games ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 340
112403 If you cannot have children, would you consider adaption? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1
112402 What is your favorite childhood game and why? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 330
112401 Describe a movie that inspired you the most. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1132
112400 9.30 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 0
112399 How can stress be good or helpful to us? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 485
112398 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 362
112397 Some people today prefer to get advice for medical problems and... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 455
112396 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 428
112395 My opinion: the most difficult place to survive;DESERT ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 361
112394 How close are you to your extended family? È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 741
112393 Homework ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 3
112392 HOMEWORK: Do you have a favorite actor? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1
112391 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 778
112390 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 730

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04