¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What part of your Korean history is your favorite? Explain why.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-11-09 459

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In the past, Korea had many wars and they were very painful to my ancestor.
A lot of people died because of those wars, and a lot of people despaired because of them.
So I think all the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite history.
Having no war is one of the greatest blessings for us and for all the people.
That's why I think the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite history.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

That's a fair point. I think no one really likes wars. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In the past, Korea had many wars and they were very painful to my ancestor.
>> In the past, Korea had many wars and it was a bad time for my ancestors. 

A lot of people died because of those wars, and a lot of people despaired because of them.
>> A lot of people died because of those wars, and a lot of people were despaired because of them.

So I think all the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite history.
>> So I think that the periods when there were no wars in South Korea are my favorite parts of our history. 

Having no war is one of the greatest blessings for us and for all the people.
>> CORRECT

That's why I think the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite history.
>> That's why I think the periods that Korea didn't have war are my favorite parts of history.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
112406 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-01 1
112405 How different is North Korea from South Korea nowadays? Explain... ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 444
112404 Games are not just games ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 402
112403 If you cannot have children, would you consider adaption? ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1
112402 What is your favorite childhood game and why? ÇÏ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 373
112401 Describe a movie that inspired you the most. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1342
112400 9.30 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 0
112399 How can stress be good or helpful to us? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 600
112398 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 487
112397 Some people today prefer to get advice for medical problems and... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 553
112396 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 536
112395 My opinion: the most difficult place to survive;DESERT ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 411
112394 How close are you to your extended family? È«*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 842
112393 Homework ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 3
112392 HOMEWORK: Do you have a favorite actor? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 1
112391 ¼÷Á¦ ±è*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 838
112390 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 840
112389 32 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 450
112388 25 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 476
112387 1 of Oct - writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-09-30 424

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04