¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

my opinion about religine.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*Çù
2021-11-17 256

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I have no religion. I believe in myself. I am faithful to my present life.
Although my parents had their religion, I didn't choose religion.
Of course, I don't think people with religion are wrong. It's just their choice.
For people in difficult situations, religion can be a help, by religion activities, can meet people, and they can feel comfort and relax.
And the good thing about having religion is that many civilizations have emerged not only in Korea but also around the world, and various religious beautiful buildings have happened.
In the past, religion also had a role in integrating people.
But there are more people who don't have religion these days.
And it is not mandatory, but i can't understand that people pay to church 10% of its income.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:)

Religion is a good thing that unites people by faith. It's a personal choice as well. It depends on you on how you are going to interpret it. 

PS: I don't know if it is still happening now, the 10% contribution to the church. I hope it already stopped. Hahaha!

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I have no religion. 
>> CORRECT

I believe in myself. 
>> CORRECT

I am faithful to my present life.
>> CORRECT

Although my parents had their religion, I didn't choose religion.
>> Although my parents have their religion, I still chose to not have one.

Of course, I don't think people with religion are wrong. It's just their choice.
>> CORRECT

For people in difficult situations, religion can be a help, by religion activities, can meet people, and they can feel comfort and relax.
>> For people in difficult situations, religion can be helpful. This is through religious activities and meeting other people. This can make them feel more comfortable and relaxed. 

And the good thing about having religion is that many civilizations have emerged not only in Korea but also around the world, and various religious beautiful buildings have happened.
>> And the good thing about having a religion is that many civilizations have emerged, not only in Korea, but also around the world. Many religious infrastructures are also built. 

In the past, religion also had a role in integrating people.
>> CORRECT

But there are more people who don't have religion these days.
>> CORRECT

And it is not mandatory, but i can't understand that people pay to church 10% of its income.
>> And it is not mandatory, but I don't understand why some people pay the church 10 % of their income. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113626 Have you ever been on a team where someone was not pulling their... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 423
113625 How do you handle working with people who annoy you? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 379
113624 What is your greatest failure, and what did you learn from it? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 295
113623 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 346
113622 Are you a friendly person? Answer in a few sentences ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-06 293
113621 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 614
113620 Daniel\'s first draft (Name :We could do with giving each... ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 601
113619 Language ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 373
113618 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 335
113617 Why do you think people in Korea do not want to marry nowadays? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 2
113616 What role do you want to play when you get married and have a... ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 2
113615 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 384
113614 I\'m just usual, fine friend ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 273
113613 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 1
113612 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 260
113611 What website do you often use and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 355
113610 HOMEWORK Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 467
113609 Do you think the rich should always give money to the poor? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 1
113608 HOMEWORK Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 586
113607 Recent research suggests that the majority of criminals who are... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-05 617

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04