¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

hi, teacher.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*Çö
2021-11-28 294

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



do you agree or disagree with the following statement?As people get older, their personalities change. Use details and example to explain your answer.answer:I agree that people get older, their personalities change..First of all,people are getting order, their environmenthas become different with youger age's environment. If someone who is a student, she is just study well, and meet very friendly people.But, someone who has worked very hard get stressed out with someone's boss. Every day, someone doesn't like colleagues and boss, she or he might have bad personality like me. To be more specific, if they were students,they are just with their friends very friendly, but they have another way, they will change their mind or some way of thinking. Second, they have different situation.For example, she became mother, and she has two dauthers. So, she never uses bad words and good thinking with children.Although she was not a good thinker, and sound.For these two reasons, I totally agree wi

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good afternoon! 

Please take note of the corrections/ suggestions below: 

Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? As people get older, their personalities change. Use details and example to explain your answer.

Your Answer: I agree that people get older, their personalities change.. First of all,people are getting order, their environmenthas become different with youger age's environment. If someone who is a student, she is just study well, and meet very friendly people.But, someone who has worked very hard get stressed out with someone's boss. Every day, someone doesn't like colleagues and boss, she or he might have bad personality like me. To be more specific, if they were students,they are just with their friends very friendly, but they have another way, they will change their mind or some way of thinking. Second, they have different situation.For example, she became mother, and she has two dauthers. So, she never uses bad words and good thinking with children.Although she was not a good thinker, and sound.For these two reasons, I totally agree wi

>> I agree that as people get older, their personalities change. First of all, when people become older, their environment becomes different with that of a younger person's environment. If someone is a student, she is preoccupied with studying and meeting new people, but for someone who is already working, they sometimes feel stressed out with their bosses. It is challenging to like colleagues and bosses with different personality with mine. Each person has his/her own specific situation. 

----

I love the ideas that you shared in your answer. Just improve how you organize your thoughts into sentences to express your ideas fully. :) 

Have a great day ahead! :) 

~T. Miya^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113983 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 369
113982 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 2
113981 Application ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 311
113980 Application ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 277
113979 Application ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 295
113978 What delicacies in South Korea would you recommend to a... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 405
113977 What delicacies in South Korea would you recommend to a... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 1
113976 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 689
113975 What are the important lessons that your parents have taught you? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 0
113974 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 1
113973 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 321
113972 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 778
113971 For Jisun Oral Test 3 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 352
113970 For Jisun Oral Test 3 ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 343
113969 Grandparents ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 320
113968 What will you do if you are in a desert? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 2
113967 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 0
113966 Should parents help their children plan their future? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 271
113965 self introduction, reason of application È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 274
113964 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-18 872

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04