¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

ESSAY: Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Àº
2022-01-10 542

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Some claim that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I agree to some extent that men are more competitive than women. In the past, the right of men was strong in order to protect their family and because the authority of men was high. Therefore, men naturally needed to be competitive with others. On the other hands, women didn't have chances to step up and their authority was low.
I think these perception is still fixed by now.
However, Nowadays, women's competitiveness is going up than men more and more.
In conclusion, whether competitiveness is big or not depends on according to who cares more it

I hope to equally competitive men and women more and more. It is not who is the most competitive.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Luel! Thanks for doing your essay! Your opinion is appreciated! Keep on! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA 
I agree to some extent that men are more competitive than women.
>>> CORRECT
 In the past, the right of men was strong in order to protect their family and  the authority of men was high. 
>>> CORRECT
Therefore, men naturally needed to be competitive with others.
>>> CORRECT
 On the other hand, women didn't have chances to step up and their authority was low.
>>> CORRECT
I think these perception is still fixed by now.
>>> I think these perception is still fixed now.
However, Nowadays, women's competitiveness is going up than men more and more.
>>> However, nowadays, women's competitiveness is going higher than men more and more.
In conclusion, whether competitiveness is big or not depends on according to who cares more it.
>>> 
In conclusion, whether competitiveness is big or not, it always depends on who cares more on it.
I hope to equally competitive men and women more and more. 
>>> I hope men and women will be equally competitive more and more. 
It is not who is the most competitive.
>>> Regardless of who the most competitive is.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114646 List five words that describe your characteristics. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-12 316
114645 Is obesity a disease? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-12 1236
114644 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-12 1
114643 Moon faces dilemma over Beiging Olympics À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-12 1
114642 From Spider-Man to Matrix 4 big movies gearing up for cinema... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-12 0
114641 What are some good and bad eating habits? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-12 1
114640 Homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 712
114639 Do you think birthdays are important? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 0
114638 What would you like to change in the education system in South... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 0
114637 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 456
114636 Homework ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 2
114635 What are three skills or traits you wish you had (that are... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 397
114634 What are two habits you have that makes you productive at work? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 348
114633 What makes you uncomfortable in the work setting? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 999
114632 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 1
114631 I Wold Rather Choose Me ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 921
114630 What are the most important things your parents taught you? ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 402
114629 IT was fun day!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 745
114628 The temple+(discussion of vaccine) ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 343
114627 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 761

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04