¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Army

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-03-23 315

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It's really personal opinion.
I think it's best not to go if there's a way not to go to the army.
In Korea the men should go to army.
But if some men have way not go to he army, they should do it.
2 years it's so long time and time is so precious.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann! 

With the stories that my students usually tell me, I think that it is also not good for men to serve the military because of the abuse. There has been a lot of cases of bullying during their military training and it has cause a lot of trauma. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

It's really personal opinion.
>> This is my personal opinion. 

I think it's best not to go if there's a way not to go to the army.
>> I think it is best for men to not go to the military. 

In Korea the men should go to army.
>> In South Korea, men mandatorily needs to serve the army. 

But if some men have way not go to he army, they should do it.
>> But if men had the choice whether to go or not, they will not go there. 

2 years it's so long time and time is so precious.
>> 2 years is a long time an time is so precious. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116424 Do you know of any supersttions connected to weddings? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 3
116423 HOMEWORK: When and how do you check on someone¡¯s... ¼­*¾È ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 461
116422 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1
116421 Would you like to eat out every day? Would this be healthy? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 390
116420 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1
116419 , ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 3
116418 What kind of challenge would you like to try? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 2
116417 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1
116416 Homework ÀÓ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 414
116415 Hug:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 343
116414 homework.5 ¾ç*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 442
116413 Q. Do you like meeting new people? Á¤*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 471
116412 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 780
116411 What is that one thing that you will not change about yourself... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 470
116410 What is the best and worst thing about traveling to a new... À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 3
116409 What is one unique way we can show our love to other people? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 788
116408 2/14 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 738
116407 Homework ¼Õ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 531
116406 homework(3) Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 342
116405 homework ¹Ú*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-14 485

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04