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What is the best benefit for an employee? Why?

작성자: 이*윤
2025-02-08 1685

회원님의 영작문



Please, check the attached file.
Have nice a weekend!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Yun, 

Thank you for submitting your answer. 
I'm glad that the benefits to employees in your country have improved a lot. 
I think these days, those benefits that promote the well-being of employees have the same importance as salaries. 
I hope more and better benefits will be given to employees around the world. ^^

~ Teacher Gina


Well, it seems to depend on the times and the situation and people's thoughts.
>> Well, it seems to depend on the times and the situation and people's thoughts.

At first, many Koreans thought it was the best benefit to be paid a lot of money based on own performance. 
>> At first, many Koreans thought it was the best benefit to be paid a lot of money based on their own performance. 

It reflected the idea that getting a lot of money is a good thing.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: This reflected the belief that earning a substantial income is desirable.

But Korean's thoughts have changed over time.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: However, Koreans' perspectives have shifted over time.

They put more importance on their own time and learning than money.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: Greater value is now placed on personal time and growth rather than money.

That's why there are benefits that give long-term working employees good conditions and give them free health check-ups for their health. 
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: This is why benefits like favorable conditions for long-term employees and free health check-ups are provided.

I think it's a good attempt to be able to take care of employees and prevent mental problems through a change of feeling.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: I believe it’s a positive effort to support employees and address mental health issues by improving their well-being.

There are also benefits for families with young children or employees with families in need of care. 
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: Benefits also extend to families with young children or those needing caregiving support.

Examples include providing free commuting time to give them an opportunity to care, providing them with the opportunity to return home immediately when something urgent happens at home, and providing consideration for vacation.
>> Examples include providing free commuting time to give them an opportunity to take care of their family, providing them with the opportunity to return home immediately when something urgent happens at home, and providing consideration for vacation.

In addition, the low birth rate is a problem in Korea, so the benefits on which it is based are also emerging. 
>> In addition, the low birth rate is a problem in Korea, so the benefits on which it is related to are also emerging. 

It also gives hospital opportunities to couples who are considerate of pregnant women and want to have children.
>> It also gives hospital opportunities to couples who are considering to get pregnant or have children.

In the short-term, I think it will make employees more faithful to their company and create opportunities to focus on their work. 
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: I think, in the short term, it will encourage employees to be more dedicated to their company and allow them to focus more on their tasks.

In the long-term, I think it is a good benefit because there may be parts that contribute to society and the country.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: Over time, I think it’s a beneficial initiative, potentially supporting societal and national development.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
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142005 Homework & Question 이*주 완료 2025-01-16 1336
142004 Homework 김*님 완료 2025-01-16 1247
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142002 What activity do you want to squeeze into your routine? 박*진 완료 2025-01-16 1424
142001 Homework 김*우 완료 2025-01-15 2
142000 What is the best thing about your job? 이*윤 완료 2025-01-15 1628
141999 What’s something you’ve been meaning to buy but haven’t... 오*영 완료 2025-01-15 1250
141998 June_homework 어*주 완료 2025-01-15 1
141997 Do you have friends from a culture or country different from... 신*규 완료 2025-01-15 1423
141996 Homework 신*라 완료 2025-01-15 1428
141995 I don\'t want to be a firefighter. 유*빈 완료 2025-01-15 1256
141994 I always remind myself the Three things 김*우 완료 2025-01-15 2
141993 The homework of 14th Jan. 조*호 완료 2025-01-15 1448
141992 What’s the most memorable family gathering you’ve attended? 임*미 완료 2025-01-15 1969
141991 01/15 homework 권*민 완료 2025-01-15 1341
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141988 What first inspired your passion for playing the violin? 노*철 완료 2025-01-15 1645
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