¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2025-02-09 1061

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it¡¯s bad for them. Why? What are the most effective ways to improve people¡¯s eating habits?

The reason why many people eat food while it is not healthy is because it tastes good. Taste is quite an important factor in one's choices.
Eating food is a desire and a person lives for this.
It is natural that we strive for something good for our health, but we need to improve the quality of taste for more direct efficiency.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Lee! Thanks for doing your homework! Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and effectively presents your argument. You¡¯ve shown strong analytical skills and made good connections between ideas. While your essay is well-developed, you could strengthen the clarity of your argument by incorporating more specific examples in the second paragraph. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
The reason why many people eat food while it is not healthy is because it tastes good. 
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Taste is quite an important factor in one's choices.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
Eating food is a desire and a person lives for this.
>>> Eating is a basic desire, and it is something that sustains life.
It is natural that we strive for something good for our health, but we need to improve the quality of taste for more direct efficiency.
>>> CORRECT~!^^
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141550 People select their favorit brand for anything ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1422
141549 Page 19 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1
141548 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1351
141547 Why do you want to be an Aircraft Engineer? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1115
141546 Which is better for effective learning, online or traditional... ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1246
141545 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1
141544 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1524
141543 Homework ÇÑ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1
141542 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 962
141541 Do you think that one day, weddings will become a thing of the... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1
141540 How do you make sure to end a conversation in a polite and... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1
141539 What are the benefits of having smoking areas in workplaces? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1285
141538 Do you think service jobs are respected in your country? Why or... ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1294
141537 What activity scares you but you still want to try? Explain ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1350
141536 What are you most excited about the winter vacation? Explain. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1222
141535 How do you focus on what you need to do? Explain. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1215
141534 What do you like most about ice skating? Explain. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1422
141533 What are you most excited about for your coming holiday trip... ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1175
141532 What do you do to make your weekends special with your family? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1366
141531 Homework ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-17 1286

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04