¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What¡¯s the most meaningful church service you¡¯ve attended?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-27 719

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, your response conveys deep and thoughtful reflections on the significance of church services. The overall structure is strong, but a few sentences needed slight adjustments for clarity and smoother flow. You have a great ability to express your thoughts meaningfully. Keep refining your writing to ensure that your ideas are as clear and impactful as possible. But overall, well done! 

~ T. Lia

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
>> Many church members attend services to receive something from them.

For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
>> They seek grace, hope, and practical help, such as guidance for relationship or financial problems, when they go to church.

The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
>> To me, the most meaningful church service is not about receiving but about giving my time and whole heart to God.

To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
>>To achieve this, I strive to live a holy life throughout the week leading up to the church service.

I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
>> Although I don¡¯t receive anything tangible from this effort, my heart is filled with the joy of having everything I need.

A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.
>> A meaningful church service, to me, is one where I am spiritually prepared to receive God¡¯s blessings.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142378 To what extent should parents be involved in their children\'s... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-09 1509
142377 Do you like your neighborhood? ¼®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-09 1387
142376 What are the limits of human reasoning? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-08 2
142375 parents or school ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-08 2
142374 Are you satisfied with your government\'s response to climate... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-08 3
142373 What is the best benefit for an employee? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-08 1785
142372 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1599
142371 What¡¯s the most frustrating thing that happened to you recently? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1365
142370 I¡¯m curious about Philippines¡¯s life. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1263
142369 What do you think of your daughter-in-law? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1593
142368 Subjects taught in school ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1608
142367 Don\'t use credit card and instalment ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1
142366 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1654
142365 Have you ever politely declined a gift? How did you explain your... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1238
142364 parents or school ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 5
142363 Does your country celebrate a special event to commemorate... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1569
142362 As a foreigner living in another country, what are the biggest... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1540
142361 What¡¯s the coldest place you have ever been to? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 3
142360 dairy ±è*³ë ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1644
142359 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1579

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04