¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can people maintain good health?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¿©*Âù
2025-04-08 802

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. First of all, they can keep their health by working out. All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hey Chan! Great job! You used cohesive devices well and explained both points clearly. Just be careful with small grammar mistakes. Keep it up!
~T. Jenna

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. 
>> I think there are two main ways that people can stay healthy.
OR
>>I believe there are two key means people can maintain good health.
First of all, they can keep their health by working out. 
Correct, or
>>Firstly, engaging in regular exercise is a highly effective way to stay fit.
All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. 
>>All doctors have said that any exercise can enhance their health, both mentally and physically
OR
>>Many health professionals agree that physical activity improves both mental and physical well-being.
Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. 
>>Second, diet also helps people maintain their fitness.
OR
>>Secondly, maintaining a balanced diet also plays an essential role in staying healthy.
Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.
>>Eating healthy food like fruit in moderation and avoiding stimulating foods are superb ways to preserve their health.
OR
>>Consuming nutritious foods such as fruit in moderation, and avoiding overly processed or spicy items, are excellent ways to protect one¡¯s health.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143163 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 1
143162 Are you satisfied with the changes happening around you? ÀÌ*Áß ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 782
143161 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 0
143160 The homework for 19th March. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 889
143159 homework Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 736
143158 Please read this before the class ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 637
143157 What\'s special about Busan? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 732
143156 How can people convince you to believe something? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 1
143155 When is immigration helpful to a country and when is harmful? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 708
143154 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 539
143153 How do you encourage others to be kind? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 503
143152 2025.03.20 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 779
143151 How do you plan on preparing for the match? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 841
143150 Talk about the kinds of projects your company has. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 694
143149 part 2 ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 790
143148 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 808
143147 Cockroach ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 690
143146 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-20 649
143145 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-19 725
143144 Eariler reading ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-19 772

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04