¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

parents affect their children

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¹Ì
2025-05-09 801

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

my father is very strict and has a lot of rules. he makes me very sensitive to everything.
he doesn't like talking back and wants to follow his words.
it finds me difficult to express myself.
I takes after my father.
I have two children.
I had difficulty in talking with them.
now I try to listen to their stories.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Judy.  Please go over the revisions given below. Happy Friday! 


Cheers,
Jean~~





my father is very strict and has a lot of rules. he makes me very sensitive to everything.
>>> My father is very strict and has many rules, which have made me very sensitive to everything.

he doesn't like talking back and wants to follow his words.
it finds me difficult to express myself.
>>> He dislikes being questioned and expects his words to be obeyed, which makes it hard for me to express my thoughts.

I takes after my father.
>>> I take after my father.

I have two children. I had difficulty in talking with them.
>>> I have two children, and I have difficulty talking with them.

now I try to listen to their stories.
>>> I¡¯m working on being more attentive when they share their stories.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
145448 page 15 ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 15
145447 To endure extreme weather ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 29
145446 When do you feel lazy to go out? °­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 1
145445 Finding what is important ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 21
145444 Is body language more powerful than words? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 6
145443 H ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 1
145442 lesson1_part3_Q4 ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 25
145441 Do you think the individualistic mindset and society also... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 27
145440 08/05 Homework ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 4
145439 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 29
145438 In my hometown\'s home, I have my own room. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 24
145437 Homework È«*±â ¿Ï·á 2025-08-06 50
145436 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-08-05 1
145435 Task ¹Î*±â ¿Ï·á 2025-08-05 5
145434 Task ¹Î*±â ¿Ï·á 2025-08-05 1
145433 What do you think about the influence of social media on singers... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-05 51
145432 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-05 26
145431 What¡¯s something you¡¯ve learned or realized lately? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-05 1
145430 Is there a food you really like that you could eat every day?... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-05 1
145429 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-08-05 38

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04