¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

parents affect their children

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¹Ì
2025-05-09 386

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

my father is very strict and has a lot of rules. he makes me very sensitive to everything.
he doesn't like talking back and wants to follow his words.
it finds me difficult to express myself.
I takes after my father.
I have two children.
I had difficulty in talking with them.
now I try to listen to their stories.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Judy.  Please go over the revisions given below. Happy Friday! 


Cheers,
Jean~~





my father is very strict and has a lot of rules. he makes me very sensitive to everything.
>>> My father is very strict and has many rules, which have made me very sensitive to everything.

he doesn't like talking back and wants to follow his words.
it finds me difficult to express myself.
>>> He dislikes being questioned and expects his words to be obeyed, which makes it hard for me to express my thoughts.

I takes after my father.
>>> I take after my father.

I have two children. I had difficulty in talking with them.
>>> I have two children, and I have difficulty talking with them.

now I try to listen to their stories.
>>> I¡¯m working on being more attentive when they share their stories.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143830 How do you balance studying for multiple exams? ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 332
143829 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 505
143828 what are your thought on the four-day work week? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 460
143827 What¡¯s one thing you¡¯re most excited about at your son\'s... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 407
143826 Birthday present that I want to receive is tumbler. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 412
143825 Is it okay to say no when someone asks for a favor? Why or why... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 345
143824 Is there a time when forgetting something turned out to be a... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 425
143823 Do you think a planner helps you stay organized or simply gives... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 454
143822 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 381
143821 0424 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 0
143820 Discuss your earliest memory as a child. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 391
143819 Homework ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 2
143818 massage with tools ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 381
143817 What is the most popular sport in your country? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 1
143816 Homework ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 1
143815 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 388
143814 4/24 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 1
143813 Should high-paying jobs be taxed more to support low-income... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 364
143812 Do you think people will ever stop using bicycles? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 377
143811 What\'s the most famous major body of water. Write some facts... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 527

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04