¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

parents affect their children

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¹Ì
2025-05-09 561

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

my father is very strict and has a lot of rules. he makes me very sensitive to everything.
he doesn't like talking back and wants to follow his words.
it finds me difficult to express myself.
I takes after my father.
I have two children.
I had difficulty in talking with them.
now I try to listen to their stories.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Judy.  Please go over the revisions given below. Happy Friday! 


Cheers,
Jean~~





my father is very strict and has a lot of rules. he makes me very sensitive to everything.
>>> My father is very strict and has many rules, which have made me very sensitive to everything.

he doesn't like talking back and wants to follow his words.
it finds me difficult to express myself.
>>> He dislikes being questioned and expects his words to be obeyed, which makes it hard for me to express my thoughts.

I takes after my father.
>>> I take after my father.

I have two children. I had difficulty in talking with them.
>>> I have two children, and I have difficulty talking with them.

now I try to listen to their stories.
>>> I¡¯m working on being more attentive when they share their stories.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143806 What is the strangest thing you\'ve ever found in your pocket? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 639
143805 The homework for 24th April. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 641
143804 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 1
143803 The saddest time I had as a kid ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 697
143802 Do you ever find it hard to throw things away because they have... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 1
143801 What is your favorite novel? Why? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 736
143800 How might this impeachment influence future presidential... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 827
143799 Why is it important for everyone to learn how to use technology? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 839
143798 Do you think people should always return a favor? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 679
143797 Describe a time in your life when someone treated you unfairly. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 799
143796 0423 IELTS writing Task 2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 1
143795 Ointment ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 841
143794 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 700
143793 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 650
143792 Why do you think K-Dramas are popular around the world? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-24 3
143791 What are the things that you currently desire? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1
143790 Is it okay to say no when someone asks for a favor? Why or why... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 885
143789 What was the best improvement in your writing skills nowadays? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 3
143788 4/23 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 2
143787 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04