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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Should car manufacturers be required to install alcohol detection systems in all new vehicles?

작성자: 김*경
2025-05-14 705

회원님의 영작문

Drunk driving remains a leading cause of traffic fatalities. Over time, many people lost their lives due to alcohol-impaired driving incidents . Implementing alcohol detection technology could substantially reduce these numbers. Beyond saving lives, reducing alcohol-related crashes can lead to significant economic savings. However, getting information on drivers' behavior or physiological data raises questions about data privacy On top of that, Ensuring that detection systems accurately identify impairment without false positives is crucial. False readings could prevent sober drivers from operating their vehicles. Successful implementation of alcohol detection hinges on addressing privacy concerns, ensuring technological reliability, As regulatory bodies across the world may continue to develop and refine these mandates, collaboration between policymakers, manufacturers, and the public will be essential to achieve the desirable safety outcomes for monitoring drivers behind the wheel.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve,
Thank you for taking the time to answer this essay. I appreciate it a lot! :)
I really hope that this kind of technological advancement will be implemented worldwide soon. It will be a great help in decreasing the untimely fatalities on the road. 
- Teacher Elly~ 


Drunk driving remains a leading cause of traffic fatalities. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> Drunk driving remains one of the leading causes of traffic fatalities.

Over time, many people lost their lives due to alcohol-impaired driving incidents. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> Many people have died as a result of alcohol-impaired driving events.

Implementing alcohol detection technology could substantially reduce these numbers. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> These figures might be significantly decreased by putting alcohol detecting technologies into use.

Beyond saving lives, reducing alcohol-related crashes can lead to significant economic savings. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> Aside from saving lives, minimizing alcohol-related crashes can result in substantial economic benefits.

However, getting information on drivers' behavior or physiological data raises questions about data privacy 
>> CORRECT
OR >> However, obtaining physiological data or behavioral information about drivers raises concerns around data privacy.

On top of that, Ensuring that detection systems accurately identify impairment without false positives is crucial. 
>> On top of that, ensuring that detection systems accurately identify alcohol impairment without ruling it as a false positive is crucial. 

False readings could prevent sober drivers from operating their vehicles. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> False readings could prevent sober drivers from driving their vehicles. 

Successful implementation of alcohol detection hinges on addressing privacy concerns, ensuring technological reliability, As regulatory bodies across the world may continue to develop and refine these mandates, collaboration between policymakers, manufacturers, and the public will be essential to achieve the desirable safety outcomes for monitoring drivers behind the wheel.
>> The successful implementation of alcohol detection hinges on addressing privacy concerns and ensuring technological reliability. As regulatory bodies across the world may continue to develop and refine these mandates, collaboration between policymakers, manufacturers, and the public will be essential to achieve the desirable safety outcomes for monitoring drivers behind the wheel.
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