¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think technology helps or hurts our sleep? How?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Èñ
2025-07-18 15

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think we will get different result depends on how we use.
Most of technologies have been invented to help people's life. But we need to use it properly.
Let's say that using a cell phone.
If we use a cell phone before getting sleep then it can't be help for us to get a good sleep.
But we must not judge that the cell phone is very harmful for us with that case.
The cell phone is very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
It is very important that the technologies are not guilty, but we are because the users are us.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Lydia!
Thank you for your thoughtful writing! You made some great points. Just a few tips: watch for article use (¡°a tool,¡± not ¡°tool¡±), and try to match plurals correctly (like ¡°technologies¡± with ¡°them¡±). You're doing a great job. Keep it up!
~~Teacher Kate

I think we will get different result depends on how we use.
>>I think we will get different results depending on how we use them.
Most of technologies have been invented to help people's life.
>>Most technologies have been invented to help people¡¯s lives.
But we need to use it properly.
>>CORRECT!
>>OR: But we need to use them properly.
Let's say that using a cell phone.
>>Let¡¯s take using a cell phone as an example.
If we use a cell phone before getting sleep then it can't be help for us to get a good sleep.
>>If we use a cell phone before sleeping, it won¡¯t help us get good sleep.
But we must not judge that the cell phone is very harmful for us with that case.
>>But we must not judge that the cell phone is harmful based on that case alone.
The cell phone is very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
>>The cell phone is a very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
It is very important that the technologies are not guilty, but we are because the users are us.
>> It is important to remember that technology is not to blame, we are, because we are the users.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144886 Homework. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 1
144885 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 111
144884 I didn\'t printed the handout for presentations in my office. ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 95
144883 Writing homework ¹Ú*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 92
144882 D12 essay homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 629
144881 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 85
144880 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 84
144879 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 0
144878 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 96
144877 Which word would best describe you as a worker/student? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 85
144876 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 113
144875 When you¡¯re sick, what¡¯s your go-to comfort food or drink? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 0
144874 What\'s the scariest animal in the world and why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 81
144873 Do you prefer the sunset or the sunrise, and why? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 120
144872 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 87
144871 I like meeting new people ¼Õ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 92
144870 The homework for 1st July. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 99
144869 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 1
144868 How does stress affect physical health? ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 1
144867 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-07-01 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04