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김우인/2025-04-27

회원님의 올려주신 영작문
It seems to me that firefighters are not paid enough in Korea. They are definitely respected by public, but on the contrary treatments for them are very poor. As I know, the promoting system has some flaws that although they work as a firefighter for a long time, they are promoted much more slowly than other government employees, which means that their salaries would also rise slowly. Apart from the systemic issue, firefighter should receive more salary since it is a job that risks own lives. They are sometimes sacrificed at the scene of fire, and even though they survive, their health is still impaired because of toxic smoke and extremely high temperature. Therefore firefighters should be paid much more, corresponding with the high respect that they receive.
강사님의 첨삭교정 내용
Hello, Ms. WooIn! I agree with your point that the physical and emotional sacrifices they make should be better acknowledged through better wages. You effectively link respect and fair compensation in your conclusion, stressing that the respect firefighters receive should be reflected in their pay.
-T. Sonny
It seems to me that firefighters are not paid enough in Korea. 
>>Correct!
They are definitely respected by public, but on the contrary treatments for them are very poor. 
>>They are definitely respected by the public, but on the contrary, their treatment is very poor.
As I know, the promoting system has some flaws that although they work as a firefighter for a long time, they are promoted much more slowly than other government employees, which means that their salaries would also rise slowly.
>>As far as I know, the promotion system has some flaws. Although they work as firefighters for a long time, they are promoted much more slowly than other government employees, which means that their salaries rise slowly as well.
Apart from the systemic issue, firefighter should receive more salary since it is a job that risks own lives. 
>>Apart from this systemic issue, firefighters should receive higher salaries since it is a job that risks their own lives.
They are sometimes sacrificed at the scene of fire, and even though they survive, their health is still impaired because of toxic smoke and extremely high temperature.
>>They are sometimes sacrificed at the scene of a fire, and even if they survive, their health is still impaired because of toxic smoke and extremely high temperatures.
Therefore firefighters should be paid much more, corresponding with the high respect that they receive.
>>Therefore, firefighters should be paid much more, in line with the high respect they receive.
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