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What do you consider the most terrible conflict you ever had with someone? Why?

작성자: 김*희
2021-01-11 371

회원님의 영작문

The most terrible conflict I've ever had with someone was the conflict I had with my school teacher while preparing for the school festival. My school team decided to perform on a stage at a school festival, but the school teacher soon told us not to go up on the stage because we didn't show a good performance on the stage last year. However, our team members felt unfair for how the teacher responded to our team because the last year's performance was actually not ours. It was actually performed by the older students in our team and we felt unfair as we had to pay what we didn't do. In order to solve this problem, we, as a team, visited our homeroom teacher and asked to reconsider our performance. We showed how much effort we put into to make this performance and that we are not going to make the same mistakes as our older students. As the teacher soon got touched by our enthusiastic persuasion, she let us to participate on the stage and we finally had a great performance.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Nice work, Minhee! I admire you and your team for handling that situation well. Keep writing good essays! -Faith-
The most terrible conflict I've ever had with someone was the conflict I had with my school teacher while preparing for the school festival.
>> CORRECT
My school team decided to perform on a stage at a school festival, but the school teacher soon told us not to go up on the stage because we didn't show a good performance on the stage last year. 
>> My school team decided to perform on a stage at a school festival, but the school teacher soon told us not to go up on the stage because we didn't show a good performance last year. 
However, our team members felt unfair for how the teacher responded to our team because the last year's performance was actually not ours. 
>> However, our team members felt it was unfair on us because the last year's performance was actually not ours. 
It was actually performed by the older students in our team and we felt unfair as we had to pay what we didn't do.
>> It was actually performed by the older students in our team and we felt it was unreasonable as we had to pay for what we didn't do.
In order to solve this problem, we, as a team, visited our homeroom teacher and asked to reconsider our performance. 
>> CORRECT 
We showed how much effort we put into to make this performance and that we are not going to make the same mistakes as our older students. 
>> We showed how much effort we put into that performance and that we would not make the same mistakes as the older students. 
As the teacher soon got touched by our enthusiastic persuasion, she let us to participate on the stage and we finally had a great performance.
>> As the teacher soon got touched by our enthusiastic persuasion, she let us participate on the stage and we finally had a great performance.
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