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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Outdoor experience

작성자: 김*지
2021-01-13 643

회원님의 영작문

When I was a kid, I spent much time outdoors. As there was stream next to my house, I could have a new experience there every day. When the season had passed, the scene of the stream changed. Therefore I was curious about the change of nature. For example, a cherry blossom tree which was covered with a white snow of winter bloomed its lovely flowers in the spring. Like this, there were many unique lessons that I could not learn from the textbooks at school. Also, I liked crossing the stream on the stepping stones. It was a quite scared but challenging and I could find many kinds of fish swimming in the water. Furthermore, spending time with my friends outdoors was also one of my favorite outdoor experience. Without video games and smartphones, we just ran and jumped together happily. Thus, I wish the corona virus is gone as soon as possible so that I can make other meaningful ourdoor experiences like what I made as a kid.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Min Ji! 
It's good to hear that you enjoyed your childhood. 
And yes, I hope that coronavirus would be over, so that kids could enjoy the outdoor life. 
Thank you! 

When I was a kid, I spent much time outdoors. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: When I was young, I spent a lot of time outside.
As there was stream next to my house, I could have a new experience there every day. 
>>> There was a stream next to my house, so I could have a new experience every day.
When the season had passed, the scene of the stream changed. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: After the season, the scenery of the stream changed.
Therefore I was curious about the change of nature. 
>>> So I was curious about the change in nature.
For example, a cherry blossom tree which was covered with a white snow of winter bloomed its lovely flowers in the spring. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: For example, cherry blossom trees covered with winter's white snow bloomed lovely flowers in spring.
Like this, there were many unique lessons that I could not learn from the textbooks at school. 
>>> CORRECT! 
Also, I liked crossing the stream on the stepping stones. 
>>> Also, I liked to cross the stream while stepping on rocks.
It was a quite scared but challenging and I could find many kinds of fish swimming in the water. 
>>> It was quite scary but challenging and I could find many kinds of fish swimming in the water.
Furthermore, spending time with my friends outdoors was also one of my favorite outdoor experience. 
>>> Furthermore, spending time with my friends outdoors was also one of my favorite outdoor experiences.
OR: Besides, spending time outdoors with my friends was one of my favorite outdoor experiences.
Without video games and smartphones, we just ran and jumped together happily. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: Without video games and smartphones, we ran and ran together happily.
Thus, I wish the corona virus is gone as soon as possible so that I can make other meaningful ourdoor experiences like what I made as a kid.
>>> Thus, I wish the corona virus is gone as soon as possible so that I can make other meaningful outdoor experiences like what I made as a kid.
OR: So I hope that the coronavirus disappears as soon as possible so that we can experience other meaningful outdoor experiences like what I did when I was young.

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