¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Key to Live a Long and Healthy Life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*Áö
2021-01-14 613

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think exercising regularly is the most important key to live a long and healthy life because it can affect people physically and mentally. When we exercise, we can accelerate blood circulation and gain muscle. Thus, people can make their body much healthier. However, I think mental health is as important as physical health. No matter how strong body people have, they should always think the situation positively and have high self-esteem to maintain a long healthy life. Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical disease. Therefore, happy hormones like endorphin which are released during working out is necessary for people's mental. Like this, exercising is beneficial for many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Min Ji^^ 
Thank you for sharing your answer. 
Talk to you later :) 

I think exercising regularly is the most important key to live a long and healthy life because it can affect people physically and mentally. 
>>> CORRECT!
When we exercise, we can accelerate blood circulation and gain muscle. 
>>> CORRECT!
Thus, people can make their body much healthier. 
>>> CORRECT! 
However, I think mental health is as important as physical health. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: But I think mental health is as important as physical health.
No matter how strong body people have, they should always think the situation positively and have high self-esteem to maintain a long healthy life. 
>>> No matter how strong people are, they should always think positively about the situation and have high self-esteem to maintain a healthy life for a long time.
Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical disease. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical illnesses.
Therefore, happy hormones like endorphin which are released during working out is necessary for people's mental. 
>>> Therefore, happy hormones such as endorphins released during exercise are essential to people's minds.
Like this, exercising is beneficial for many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.
>>> Like this, exercising is beneficial to many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105083 Why do you think body language is important? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 0
105082 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 381
105081 homework_21.01.26 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 1
105080 Many people spend money and not save it. What are the reasons?... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 385
105079 What do you think about legalizing abortion? Why? º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 420
105078 Musicals Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 298
105077 The age which children leave from their parents Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 443
105076 What is the most adorable animal for you and why? ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 349
105075 If you had a boat, what areas of the world would you like to... ÇÑ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 1
105074 I lived in... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 7
105073 What is the best way to avoid misunderstanding within the family? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 326
105072 Subject-verb agreement ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 2
105071 Why do you think verbal communication is important in a society? ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 8
105070 Society is based on rules and laws. It could not function if... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 261
105069 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 1
105068 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 422
105067 People today increasingly use credit cards to make monthly... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 369
105066 I am looking for employeer ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 434
105065 What is the longest I have ever slept for? Á¶*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-26 2
105064 Since the next election is coming soon, do political parties/... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-26 4216

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04