¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Key to Live a Long and Healthy Life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*Áö
2021-01-14 610

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think exercising regularly is the most important key to live a long and healthy life because it can affect people physically and mentally. When we exercise, we can accelerate blood circulation and gain muscle. Thus, people can make their body much healthier. However, I think mental health is as important as physical health. No matter how strong body people have, they should always think the situation positively and have high self-esteem to maintain a long healthy life. Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical disease. Therefore, happy hormones like endorphin which are released during working out is necessary for people's mental. Like this, exercising is beneficial for many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Min Ji^^ 
Thank you for sharing your answer. 
Talk to you later :) 

I think exercising regularly is the most important key to live a long and healthy life because it can affect people physically and mentally. 
>>> CORRECT!
When we exercise, we can accelerate blood circulation and gain muscle. 
>>> CORRECT!
Thus, people can make their body much healthier. 
>>> CORRECT! 
However, I think mental health is as important as physical health. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: But I think mental health is as important as physical health.
No matter how strong body people have, they should always think the situation positively and have high self-esteem to maintain a long healthy life. 
>>> No matter how strong people are, they should always think positively about the situation and have high self-esteem to maintain a healthy life for a long time.
Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical disease. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical illnesses.
Therefore, happy hormones like endorphin which are released during working out is necessary for people's mental. 
>>> Therefore, happy hormones such as endorphins released during exercise are essential to people's minds.
Like this, exercising is beneficial for many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.
>>> Like this, exercising is beneficial to many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105011 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
105010 [1/22]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
105009 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 448
105008 What do you really hate having to do in your free time? And why... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 10
105007 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 366
105006 My home which I love ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 320
105005 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1457
105004 [1/21]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 2
105003 When do children leave their parents\' home in your country? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
105002 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 417
105001 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 338
105000 I love to play a drum. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 355
104999 What do you want to do for a fun weekend? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 362
104998 What can governments do to recover from the pandemic? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
104997 What is a challenge you faced? ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 335
104996 Do you think that fruits and vegetables are good for your health? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 258
104995 English Homework 19 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 394
104994 What do you want to do if there is no corona virus? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 292
104993 Homework {01/25} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 324
104992 Pandemic ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04