¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Key to Live a Long and Healthy Life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*Áö
2021-01-14 599

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think exercising regularly is the most important key to live a long and healthy life because it can affect people physically and mentally. When we exercise, we can accelerate blood circulation and gain muscle. Thus, people can make their body much healthier. However, I think mental health is as important as physical health. No matter how strong body people have, they should always think the situation positively and have high self-esteem to maintain a long healthy life. Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical disease. Therefore, happy hormones like endorphin which are released during working out is necessary for people's mental. Like this, exercising is beneficial for many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Min Ji^^ 
Thank you for sharing your answer. 
Talk to you later :) 

I think exercising regularly is the most important key to live a long and healthy life because it can affect people physically and mentally. 
>>> CORRECT!
When we exercise, we can accelerate blood circulation and gain muscle. 
>>> CORRECT!
Thus, people can make their body much healthier. 
>>> CORRECT! 
However, I think mental health is as important as physical health. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: But I think mental health is as important as physical health.
No matter how strong body people have, they should always think the situation positively and have high self-esteem to maintain a long healthy life. 
>>> No matter how strong people are, they should always think positively about the situation and have high self-esteem to maintain a healthy life for a long time.
Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical disease. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical illnesses.
Therefore, happy hormones like endorphin which are released during working out is necessary for people's mental. 
>>> Therefore, happy hormones such as endorphins released during exercise are essential to people's minds.
Like this, exercising is beneficial for many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.
>>> Like this, exercising is beneficial to many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104905 What traits do you look for in a conversation partner? Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 6
104904 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 337
104903 The most saddest word! ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 428
104902 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 3
104901 How do you usually search for interesting places to visit while... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 406
104900 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 326
104899 21.1.20 Homework ^O^ ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 0
104898 What is your dream home? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 301
104897 [1/20]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 406
104896 I\'m not good at dancing... ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 370
104895 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 380
104894 Laughter ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 1
104893 Can you talk about four restaurants near your house where you... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 0
104892 well I always try to manage a everyday for not to wast time À¯*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 344
104891 English Homework 18 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 292
104890 It is the most important for people to eat food. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 3
104889 How has the film industry changed throughout the years? Can you... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 2
104888 Homework 1.21 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 290
104887 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 343
104886 Can you remember what you did each year on your birthday? What... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04