¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Key to Live a Long and Healthy Life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*Áö
2021-01-14 596

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think exercising regularly is the most important key to live a long and healthy life because it can affect people physically and mentally. When we exercise, we can accelerate blood circulation and gain muscle. Thus, people can make their body much healthier. However, I think mental health is as important as physical health. No matter how strong body people have, they should always think the situation positively and have high self-esteem to maintain a long healthy life. Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical disease. Therefore, happy hormones like endorphin which are released during working out is necessary for people's mental. Like this, exercising is beneficial for many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning Min Ji^^ 
Thank you for sharing your answer. 
Talk to you later :) 

I think exercising regularly is the most important key to live a long and healthy life because it can affect people physically and mentally. 
>>> CORRECT!
When we exercise, we can accelerate blood circulation and gain muscle. 
>>> CORRECT!
Thus, people can make their body much healthier. 
>>> CORRECT! 
However, I think mental health is as important as physical health. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: But I think mental health is as important as physical health.
No matter how strong body people have, they should always think the situation positively and have high self-esteem to maintain a long healthy life. 
>>> No matter how strong people are, they should always think positively about the situation and have high self-esteem to maintain a healthy life for a long time.
Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical disease. 
>>> CORRECT! 
OR: Lack of self-esteem and mental stress can even lead to physical illnesses.
Therefore, happy hormones like endorphin which are released during working out is necessary for people's mental. 
>>> Therefore, happy hormones such as endorphins released during exercise are essential to people's minds.
Like this, exercising is beneficial for many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.
>>> Like this, exercising is beneficial to many parts of our body, so I think people should move regularly to live a long and healthy life.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104831 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 318
104830 Can you remember what you did each year on your birthday? What... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 20
104829 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 377
104828 upload last homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 345
104827 In the past, knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays,... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 313
104826 Have you ever attended a big international conference? Share... Àå*¹è ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 287
104825 What was the most marvelous place that you have been to? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-20 311
104824 Tell me about your self ½É*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 7
104823 What kind of advertising seems weird for you? Why? Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 355
104822 My English name is Hwanny. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 5
104821 In your own opinion, how can we prevent cheating in schools? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 346
104820 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 1
104819 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 1
104818 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 1
104817 What do you usually do on weekends? ³ë*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 342
104816 What are the differences between men and women? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 0
104815 What was the best experience you\'ve had in traveling? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 0
104814 [1/18]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 3
104813 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 312
104812 What kind of gadget do you wish to have? Why? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-19 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04