¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Even though doctors advise old people to get more exercise, many old people do not get enough. What

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-01-21 282

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As you get older, it is needed to get an exercise.
But many old people don¡¯t exercise for themselves.
I think it occurs because it is difficult to move as they get older.
So, they need motivation to get more exercise.
In fact, my grandmother has pain in her knees so it is need to do surgery.
But she didn¡¯t want to do surgery, so she did exercise hard and she overcame her pain.
Of course, it may be only possible for my grandmother.
But I think if people have motivation, they will do everything.
I have heard the story about the man with paraplegia.
He couldn¡¯t walk after an accident, but he walked at her daughter¡¯s wedding.
It is a prove that if people have motivation, they can do anything.
In conclusion, I think if old people have motivation, they can get an exercise like young people.
Thank you for reading my essay.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

GOOD MORNING CLEO~! ^^ ¡°A dream does not become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work.¡±
Keep up the good work!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
As you get older, it is needed to get an exercise.
OR>>>> As you get older, it is necessary to exercise.
But many old people don¡¯t exercise for themselves.
>>> CORRECT 
I think it occurs because it is difficult to move as they get older.
>>> I think, it happens because it is difficult to move as they get older.
So, they need a motivation to get more exercise.
>>>> CORRECT 
In fact, my grandmother has pain in her knees so it is need to do surgery.
>>> In fact, my grandmother is having difficulties with her knees so she needs surgery.
But she didn¡¯t want to do surgery, so she did exercise hard and she overcame her pain.
>>> But she didn¡¯t want to do the surgery, so she exercised hard and she overcame her pain.
Of course, it may be only possible for my grandmother.
>>> Of course, it may be possible for my grandmother.
But I think if people have motivations, they will do everything.
>>>> CORRECT 
I have heard the story about the man with paraplegia.
>>>> CORRECT 
He couldn¡¯t walk after an accident, but he walked at her daughter¡¯s wedding.
>>>> CORRECT 
It is a prove that if people have motivation, they can do anything.
>>> It is a proof that if people have motivations, they can do anything.
In conclusion, I think if old people have motivations, they can get an exercise like young people.
>>>> CORRECT 
Thank you for reading my essay.
>>>> CORRECT 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104998 What can governments do to recover from the pandemic? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
104997 What is a challenge you faced? ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 321
104996 Do you think that fruits and vegetables are good for your health? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 248
104995 English Homework 19 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 384
104994 What do you want to do if there is no corona virus? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 283
104993 Homework {01/25} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 304
104992 Pandemic ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 3
104991 What kind of exercise are you most interested in? Why? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 2
104990 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 316
104989 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
104988 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 286
104987 How do you feel about meeting clients in person? Answer in a... Àå*¹è ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 320
104986 What is your opinion about adoption, is adoption widely accepted... ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
104985 Eating rice as main meal Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 300
104984 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 298
104983 What do you like most about your own culture? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
104982 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 350
104981 The last time I gave a hand to someone Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 280
104980 How can you show others that you appreciate life? ³ë*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 2
104979 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04