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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Even though doctors advise old people to get more exercise, many old people do not get enough. What

작성자: 권*원
2021-01-21 304

회원님의 영작문

As you get older, it is needed to get an exercise.
But many old people don’t exercise for themselves.
I think it occurs because it is difficult to move as they get older.
So, they need motivation to get more exercise.
In fact, my grandmother has pain in her knees so it is need to do surgery.
But she didn’t want to do surgery, so she did exercise hard and she overcame her pain.
Of course, it may be only possible for my grandmother.
But I think if people have motivation, they will do everything.
I have heard the story about the man with paraplegia.
He couldn’t walk after an accident, but he walked at her daughter’s wedding.
It is a prove that if people have motivation, they can do anything.
In conclusion, I think if old people have motivation, they can get an exercise like young people.
Thank you for reading my essay.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

GOOD MORNING CLEO~! ^^ “A dream does not become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work.”
Keep up the good work!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
As you get older, it is needed to get an exercise.
OR>>>> As you get older, it is necessary to exercise.
But many old people don’t exercise for themselves.
>>> CORRECT 
I think it occurs because it is difficult to move as they get older.
>>> I think, it happens because it is difficult to move as they get older.
So, they need a motivation to get more exercise.
>>>> CORRECT 
In fact, my grandmother has pain in her knees so it is need to do surgery.
>>> In fact, my grandmother is having difficulties with her knees so she needs surgery.
But she didn’t want to do surgery, so she did exercise hard and she overcame her pain.
>>> But she didn’t want to do the surgery, so she exercised hard and she overcame her pain.
Of course, it may be only possible for my grandmother.
>>> Of course, it may be possible for my grandmother.
But I think if people have motivations, they will do everything.
>>>> CORRECT 
I have heard the story about the man with paraplegia.
>>>> CORRECT 
He couldn’t walk after an accident, but he walked at her daughter’s wedding.
>>>> CORRECT 
It is a prove that if people have motivation, they can do anything.
>>> It is a proof that if people have motivations, they can do anything.
In conclusion, I think if old people have motivations, they can get an exercise like young people.
>>>> CORRECT 
Thank you for reading my essay.
>>>> CORRECT 
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전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
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