¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

[1/20]Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*¹ü
2021-01-21 393

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, in my case, I did working part time when I was in high school student. It means that we couldn¡¯t work at somewhere for full time when we were youth. That¡¯s reasons why I did working at some stores for part time before adult became. I remember going to work for full time after finished military duty. After that, I could work from in the morning to late at night. So that, I got earn much money in my life firstly. I really happy to got salary at first time. In our country, people could enter to company at first time after graduated at college in general. Unfortunately, the men have to go military service by duty for around 2 years. Finally, the men start to work 2 years later compared to women. I also had to military duty for 26 months in the past. After that, I had become entered to company before graduated at college. Overall, I think our country people are in same situation like me. Unfortunately, there are not enough job market in our county. That¡¯s it. Thanks a lot.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Tiger!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Well, in my case, I did working part time when I was in high school student. 

>> Well in my case, I did work part time when I was a high school student. 

It means that we couldn¡¯t work at somewhere for full time when we were youth. 

>> It means that we couldn¡¯t work anywhere for full time because we were still young. 

That¡¯s reasons why I did working at some stores for part time before adult became. 

>> That¡¯s the reason why I worked part time at some stores before I became an adult. 

I remember going to work for full time after finished military duty. 

>> I remember going to work for full time after I finished my military duty. 

After that, I could work from in the morning to late at night. So that, I got earn much money in my life firstly. 

>> After that, I could work from morning to late at night so I got to earn much money for the first time in my life. 

I really happy to got salary at first time. 

>> I was really happy to get my salary for the first time. 

In our country, people could enter to company at first time after graduated at college in general. 

>> In our country, people could enter a company for the first time after graduating from from college. 

Unfortunately, the men have to go military service by duty for around 2 years. 

>> Unfortunately, the men have to go to military service for around 2 years. 

Finally, the men start to work 2 years later compared to women. 

>> The men start working 2 years later compared to women. 

I also had to military duty for 26 months in the past. 

>> I also had to do my military duty for 26 months in the past. 

After that, I had become entered to company before graduated at college. 

>> After that, I entered a company after graduating college. 

Overall, I think our country people are in same situation like me. 

>> Overall, I think the people in our country are in same situation as me. 

Unfortunately, there are not enough job market in our county. 

>> Unfortunately, there are not enough jobs in the market in our county. 

That¡¯s it. Thanks a lot.

>> That¡¯s it, thanks a lot.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105094 We have to clean our teeeth very clearly ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 316
105093 What can governments do to recover from the global pandemic? Àü*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 0
105092 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 344
105091 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 1
105090 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 290
105089 I was one who spent time alone. I just had some of a friend À¯*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 278
105088 the advantages are getting healthy and saving the money that you... À¯*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 304
105087 English Homework 20 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 298
105086 The staple foods of my country. ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 358
105085 Adorable animal ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 2
105084 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 224
105083 Why do you think body language is important? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 0
105082 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 370
105081 homework_21.01.26 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 1
105080 Many people spend money and not save it. What are the reasons?... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 368
105079 What do you think about legalizing abortion? Why? º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 410
105078 Musicals Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 295
105077 The age which children leave from their parents Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 427
105076 What is the most adorable animal for you and why? ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 334
105075 If you had a boat, what areas of the world would you like to... ÇÑ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04