¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

[1/20]Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*¹ü
2021-01-21 413

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, in my case, I did working part time when I was in high school student. It means that we couldn¡¯t work at somewhere for full time when we were youth. That¡¯s reasons why I did working at some stores for part time before adult became. I remember going to work for full time after finished military duty. After that, I could work from in the morning to late at night. So that, I got earn much money in my life firstly. I really happy to got salary at first time. In our country, people could enter to company at first time after graduated at college in general. Unfortunately, the men have to go military service by duty for around 2 years. Finally, the men start to work 2 years later compared to women. I also had to military duty for 26 months in the past. After that, I had become entered to company before graduated at college. Overall, I think our country people are in same situation like me. Unfortunately, there are not enough job market in our county. That¡¯s it. Thanks a lot.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Tiger!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Well, in my case, I did working part time when I was in high school student. 

>> Well in my case, I did work part time when I was a high school student. 

It means that we couldn¡¯t work at somewhere for full time when we were youth. 

>> It means that we couldn¡¯t work anywhere for full time because we were still young. 

That¡¯s reasons why I did working at some stores for part time before adult became. 

>> That¡¯s the reason why I worked part time at some stores before I became an adult. 

I remember going to work for full time after finished military duty. 

>> I remember going to work for full time after I finished my military duty. 

After that, I could work from in the morning to late at night. So that, I got earn much money in my life firstly. 

>> After that, I could work from morning to late at night so I got to earn much money for the first time in my life. 

I really happy to got salary at first time. 

>> I was really happy to get my salary for the first time. 

In our country, people could enter to company at first time after graduated at college in general. 

>> In our country, people could enter a company for the first time after graduating from from college. 

Unfortunately, the men have to go military service by duty for around 2 years. 

>> Unfortunately, the men have to go to military service for around 2 years. 

Finally, the men start to work 2 years later compared to women. 

>> The men start working 2 years later compared to women. 

I also had to military duty for 26 months in the past. 

>> I also had to do my military duty for 26 months in the past. 

After that, I had become entered to company before graduated at college. 

>> After that, I entered a company after graduating college. 

Overall, I think our country people are in same situation like me. 

>> Overall, I think the people in our country are in same situation as me. 

Unfortunately, there are not enough job market in our county. 

>> Unfortunately, there are not enough jobs in the market in our county. 

That¡¯s it. Thanks a lot.

>> That¡¯s it, thanks a lot.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104746 Some people believe that the experiences children have before... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 398
104745 Lesson of my life Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 2
104744 It is sometimes suggested that primary schoolchildren should... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 373
104743 How fast do you think is the average time to give feedback to... Àå*¹è ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 391
104742 Worldwide foods Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 335
104741 Do you like going to the beach? ÇÑ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 1
104740 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 290
104739 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 1
104738 Office workers uninterested in promotion À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 1
104737 my hobby is to make furniture ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-01-18 350
104736 The disadvantages of having your own car Á¶*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 408
104735 What are some unhealthy habits that you have? Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 357
104734 HOMEWORK Á¤*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 0
104733 Who is the most productive person you know personally? ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 513
104732 ielts taks 1 ÀÌ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 423
104731 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 1
104730 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 1
104729 I think video game is not good for me. ±è*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 400
104728 Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 342
104727 Politics ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-17 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04