¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Have you been disappointed about a trip? Where and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-01-21 674

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In 2016 summer, my family were planing to have summer vacation in East Canada and USA.
During summer vacation, We visited NewYork city especially Time square. Me and my children had admired NewYork city where is very well known in the world. NewYork had fantastic activities and girgeous architectures and stores however, people were not.
People who we met at the Time square were too commercial, they focused only money didn't care anybody.
There was Ironman. Actually he was a fake.
He just wore an ironman costume to take a picture with kids who visited Time square. My son took a picture with him, after that I payed 10 dollars.
He forced me $10 more just for one cellphone picture.
At that moment, I felt little scary and deeply disappointed. Also dirty roads and dark alleys inside the city.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Young Won!

I never expected to hear such a story from a famed city in the world. I actually love New York from the movie perspective and it always seems like the best in the world. However upon reading your composition, it revealed some honest and unpleasant conditions of this place.

With your experience, it made me realize that New York also has its weak sides in spite of all its hype.

Thank you for sharing these information and the time to think and compose this essay.

Your grammar, spelling, and expressions are getting better each time.

See you in class!

-T. Donna =)

In 2016 summer, my family were planing to have summer vacation in East Canada and USA.
>> In 2016 summer, my family was planning to have a summer vacation in East Canada and USA.

During summer vacation, We visited NewYork city especially Time square. Me and my children had admired NewYork city where is very well known in the world.
>> During summer vacation, we visited New York City especially Time Square. Me and my children had admired New York City where it is very well known in the world.

NewYork had fantastic activities and girgeous architectures and stores however, people were not.
>> New York has fantastic activities and gorgeous architectures and stores. However, people were not.

People who we met at the Time square were too commercial, they focused only money didn't care anybody.
>> People who we met at the Time Square were too commercial. They focused only on money and didn't care about anybody.

There was Ironman. Actually he was a fake.
>> There we saw Ironman. Actually he was fake.

He just wore an ironman costume to take a picture with kids who visited Time square. My son took a picture with him, after that I payed 10 dollars.
>> Correct! 
Or: Ironman; Time Square; paid

He forced me $10 more just for one cellphone picture.
>> He forced me to pay $10 more for just one cellphone picture.

At that moment, I felt little scary and deeply disappointed. Also dirty roads and dark alleys inside the city.
>> At that moment, I felt a little scared and deeply disappointed. Also, there are dirty roads and dark alleys inside the city.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105136 What are some ways in which gossip can be harmful? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 3
105135 English Homework 21 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 302
105134 How often do you drink coffee on the go? ÇÑ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105133 Would you describe yourself as lucky? Why? Why not? À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 490
105132 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 3
105131 When i meet someone... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 7
105130 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 282
105129 Why do you think body language is important? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 0
105128 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 241
105127 What would you do if you had to travel to a country where it\'s... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 0
105126 Winter season ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 371
105125 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 260
105124 What makes you happy? È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 321
105123 Hi Ysabelle. º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 4
105122 Biden\'s presidency to offer Korean economy greater chance À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105121 photo ½É*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 333
105120 ielts taks 1 ÀÌ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 366
105119 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105118 Beauty stores battered by coronavirus pandemic À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105117 It is good for many things, but it is difficult. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 389

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04