¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Have you been disappointed about a trip? Where and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-01-21 667

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In 2016 summer, my family were planing to have summer vacation in East Canada and USA.
During summer vacation, We visited NewYork city especially Time square. Me and my children had admired NewYork city where is very well known in the world. NewYork had fantastic activities and girgeous architectures and stores however, people were not.
People who we met at the Time square were too commercial, they focused only money didn't care anybody.
There was Ironman. Actually he was a fake.
He just wore an ironman costume to take a picture with kids who visited Time square. My son took a picture with him, after that I payed 10 dollars.
He forced me $10 more just for one cellphone picture.
At that moment, I felt little scary and deeply disappointed. Also dirty roads and dark alleys inside the city.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Young Won!

I never expected to hear such a story from a famed city in the world. I actually love New York from the movie perspective and it always seems like the best in the world. However upon reading your composition, it revealed some honest and unpleasant conditions of this place.

With your experience, it made me realize that New York also has its weak sides in spite of all its hype.

Thank you for sharing these information and the time to think and compose this essay.

Your grammar, spelling, and expressions are getting better each time.

See you in class!

-T. Donna =)

In 2016 summer, my family were planing to have summer vacation in East Canada and USA.
>> In 2016 summer, my family was planning to have a summer vacation in East Canada and USA.

During summer vacation, We visited NewYork city especially Time square. Me and my children had admired NewYork city where is very well known in the world.
>> During summer vacation, we visited New York City especially Time Square. Me and my children had admired New York City where it is very well known in the world.

NewYork had fantastic activities and girgeous architectures and stores however, people were not.
>> New York has fantastic activities and gorgeous architectures and stores. However, people were not.

People who we met at the Time square were too commercial, they focused only money didn't care anybody.
>> People who we met at the Time Square were too commercial. They focused only on money and didn't care about anybody.

There was Ironman. Actually he was a fake.
>> There we saw Ironman. Actually he was fake.

He just wore an ironman costume to take a picture with kids who visited Time square. My son took a picture with him, after that I payed 10 dollars.
>> Correct! 
Or: Ironman; Time Square; paid

He forced me $10 more just for one cellphone picture.
>> He forced me to pay $10 more for just one cellphone picture.

At that moment, I felt little scary and deeply disappointed. Also dirty roads and dark alleys inside the city.
>> At that moment, I felt a little scared and deeply disappointed. Also, there are dirty roads and dark alleys inside the city.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105015 What\'s your favorite junk food? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 0
105014 Homework (210) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 333
105013 Are you good at saving money? Please explain. Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 289
105012 Last weekend. ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 12
105011 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
105010 [1/22]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
105009 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 434
105008 What do you really hate having to do in your free time? And why... Çã*´Ã ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 10
105007 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 350
105006 My home which I love ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 308
105005 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1447
105004 [1/21]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 2
105003 When do children leave their parents\' home in your country? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
105002 Hm Àå*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 400
105001 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 326
105000 I love to play a drum. ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 344
104999 What do you want to do for a fun weekend? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 346
104998 What can governments do to recover from the pandemic? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 1
104997 What is a challenge you faced? ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 321
104996 Do you think that fruits and vegetables are good for your health? ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-25 248

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04