¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Have you been disappointed about a trip? Where and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¤*¿ø
2021-01-21 675

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In 2016 summer, my family were planing to have summer vacation in East Canada and USA.
During summer vacation, We visited NewYork city especially Time square. Me and my children had admired NewYork city where is very well known in the world. NewYork had fantastic activities and girgeous architectures and stores however, people were not.
People who we met at the Time square were too commercial, they focused only money didn't care anybody.
There was Ironman. Actually he was a fake.
He just wore an ironman costume to take a picture with kids who visited Time square. My son took a picture with him, after that I payed 10 dollars.
He forced me $10 more just for one cellphone picture.
At that moment, I felt little scary and deeply disappointed. Also dirty roads and dark alleys inside the city.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Young Won!

I never expected to hear such a story from a famed city in the world. I actually love New York from the movie perspective and it always seems like the best in the world. However upon reading your composition, it revealed some honest and unpleasant conditions of this place.

With your experience, it made me realize that New York also has its weak sides in spite of all its hype.

Thank you for sharing these information and the time to think and compose this essay.

Your grammar, spelling, and expressions are getting better each time.

See you in class!

-T. Donna =)

In 2016 summer, my family were planing to have summer vacation in East Canada and USA.
>> In 2016 summer, my family was planning to have a summer vacation in East Canada and USA.

During summer vacation, We visited NewYork city especially Time square. Me and my children had admired NewYork city where is very well known in the world.
>> During summer vacation, we visited New York City especially Time Square. Me and my children had admired New York City where it is very well known in the world.

NewYork had fantastic activities and girgeous architectures and stores however, people were not.
>> New York has fantastic activities and gorgeous architectures and stores. However, people were not.

People who we met at the Time square were too commercial, they focused only money didn't care anybody.
>> People who we met at the Time Square were too commercial. They focused only on money and didn't care about anybody.

There was Ironman. Actually he was a fake.
>> There we saw Ironman. Actually he was fake.

He just wore an ironman costume to take a picture with kids who visited Time square. My son took a picture with him, after that I payed 10 dollars.
>> Correct! 
Or: Ironman; Time Square; paid

He forced me $10 more just for one cellphone picture.
>> He forced me to pay $10 more for just one cellphone picture.

At that moment, I felt little scary and deeply disappointed. Also dirty roads and dark alleys inside the city.
>> At that moment, I felt a little scared and deeply disappointed. Also, there are dirty roads and dark alleys inside the city.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104677 What is your goal in life? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 1
104676 What sport would you not want to try? ±è*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 0
104675 Homework (203) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 404
104674 Describe the first memory you have of going to school ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 317
104673 The services I care about before I go to the restaurant and the... Á¤*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 413
104672 Key to Live a Long and Healthy Life ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 604
104671 Dating application. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 1
104670 (HW) If you could prepare a dish for a VIP, what would it be and... Á¤*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 366
104669 How important is freedom in society? What does freedom feel like? °­*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 2
104668 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 1
104667 If I were a musician, ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 678
104666 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 344
104665 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 614
104664 [1/12]/Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 3
104663 Do you think that some businesses, such as travel agents, could... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 2
104662 My family\'s value. ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 340
104661 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 426
104660 HOMEWORK °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 327
104659 What things would you like to have? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 340
104658 My favorite movie is \"Mission impossible\" ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 405

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04