¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My opinion about the statement: ¡°Beauty is skin deep¡±.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ø
2021-01-22 400

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I¡¯m agree with that, because beauty is not all in our life. Sometimes it can be needed and some are want beauty but we should focus on another one. No matter beauty is important, personality is the most important thing. Make effort to become a good person is harder than making beautiful appearnace. So I think personality is more important than beauty.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Heidi! Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I¡¯m agree with that, because beauty is not all in our life. 
>> I agree with this because beauty will not remain for our entire life. 

Sometimes it can be needed and some are want beauty but we should focus on another one. 
>> Sometime people think they need to be beautiful but they shouldn't. 

No matter beauty is important, personality is the most important thing. 
>> No matter how much beauty means to a person, personality is always the thing that stands up from a person. 

Make effort to become a good person is harder than making beautiful appearance. 
>> Making an effort to become a good person is harder than making a beautiful appearance. 

So I think personality is more important than beauty.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104673 The services I care about before I go to the restaurant and the... Á¤*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 420
104672 Key to Live a Long and Healthy Life ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 611
104671 Dating application. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 1
104670 (HW) If you could prepare a dish for a VIP, what would it be and... Á¤*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 370
104669 How important is freedom in society? What does freedom feel like? °­*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 2
104668 Homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 1
104667 If I were a musician, ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 686
104666 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 348
104665 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 620
104664 [1/12]/Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 3
104663 Do you think that some businesses, such as travel agents, could... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 2
104662 My family\'s value. ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 343
104661 Homework °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 432
104660 HOMEWORK °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 334
104659 What things would you like to have? ¼Û*·É ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 344
104658 My favorite movie is \"Mission impossible\" ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 413
104657 English Homework 14 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 335
104656 Do you ever watch cooking videos online? If so, which ones would... ÇÑ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 2
104655 Homework 1.14 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 502
104654 I have already changed my name. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2021-01-14 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04