¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Eating rice as main meal

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ÁÖ
2021-01-25 299

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I like my country and its culture. But, I think that it is the best thing to have rice as main meal.
Because eating rice is really helpful for our health and it gives us energy to live our lives.
Plus, actually, I love rice, so I think this is the best for me in terms of not only eating something that I like but also keeping my body well.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Sunny!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


I like my country and its culture. But, I think that it is the best thing to have rice as main meal.

>> I like my country and its culture and I think that it is the best thing to have rice as our main meal.
Because eating rice is really helpful for our health and it gives us energy to live our lives.

>> Eating rice is really helpful for our health and it gives us energy to live our lives.
Plus, actually, I love rice, 

>> Plus, actually, I love rice.

 so I think this is the best for me in terms of not only eating something that I like but also keeping my body well

>>  So I think this is the best for me in terms of not only eating something that I like but also keeping my body well.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104715 The best choice I¡¯ve ever done in my life. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 373
104714 Homework (204) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 363
104713 [1/14]Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 1
104712 If I have my fridge in my room Á¶*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 3
104711 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 385
104710 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 333
104709 What is something you never learned to do but wish you had? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 1
104708 Trip at school ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 342
104707 21.1.13 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 1
104706 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 1
104705 Task ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 345
104704 English Homework 15 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 295
104703 What is something you never learned to do but wish you had? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 2
104702 What are the disadvantages of staying over? °û*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 349
104701 Describe your favorite singer and tell me why you like him/her. ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 69
104700 What\'s the best choice you have ever done in your life? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 0
104699 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 366
104698 How do you deal with your angry? ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 344
104697 I was angry when I leaved the before company. ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 458
104696 homework ÀÓ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-15 314

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04