¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

People today increasingly use credit cards to make monthly purchases. Do the advantages of this outw

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-01-26 307

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think the disadvantages of using credit cards outweighs the advantages of it.
One of the reason is if we use credit cards, we don¡¯t now how much we used.
In fact, nowadays most Koreans use credit cards when they pay for somethings
But since we used credit cards, credit delinquents have increased consistently.
Of course, It is easy and convenient to use credit cards than cash, but the result of convenience is to increase credit delinquents.
So, if we use credit cards for our convenience, I suggest using debit cards than credit cards
The other reason is problem of privacy.
Whenever we pay for somethings using credit cards, our private information is stored and used for marketing or promotion by various company.
For example, after we bought something, we have seen advertisements about it again on internet before.
It is proof that our privacy is violated by using credit cards.
In conclusion, I think the disadvantages of using credit cards outweigh advantages for these reasons.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good morning CLEO~! ^^ I'm grateful when you try writing your essays. I see that you are always trying your best in writing and speaking. Keep improving!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I think the disadvantages of using credit cards outweighs the advantages of it.
>>> CORRECT
One of the reason is if we use credit cards, we don¡¯t now how much we used.
>>> One of the reason is if we use credit cards, we don¡¯t know how much we could used.
In fact, nowadays most Koreans use credit cards when they pay for some things.
>>> CORRECT
But since we used credit cards, credit delinquents have increased consistently.
>>> CORRECT
Of course, It is easy and convenient to use credit cards than cash, but the result of convenience is to increase credit delinquents.
>>> Of course, it is easier and it's more convenient to use credit cards than cash, but the result of convenience is to increase credit delinquents.
So, if we use credit cards for our convenience, I suggest using debit cards than credit cards.
>>> So, if we use credit cards for our convenience, I suggest the use of debit cards than credit cards.
The other reason is problem of privacy.
>>> The other reason is privacy issues.
Whenever we pay for somethings using credit cards, our private information is stored and used for marketing or promotion by various company.
>>> Whenever we pay for some things using credit cards, our private information is stored and used for marketing or promotion by various company.
For example, after we bought something, we have seen advertisements about it again on internet before.
>>> CORRECT
It is proof that our privacy is violated by using credit cards.
>>> It is a proof that our privacy is violated in using credit cards.
In conclusion, I think the disadvantages of using credit cards outweigh the advantages for these reasons.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105278 Are you worried someone could hack into your computer? What... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 306
105277 Cleaning my room Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 400
105276 My favorite season Á¶*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 282
105275 Are you worried someone could hack into your computer? What... ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 352
105274 HOMEWORK FOR 02.02 Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 3
105273 What do you think when you hear the sound of laughter? Do you... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105272 fairy tale in our country ±¸*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 2
105271 Which do you think is the most difficult language? Why? È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 390
105270 What do you cook best? Please tell me the procedure on how to... ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 0
105269 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105268 I had some experiences like that. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 281
105267 How are you going to overcome a \"Routinary\" life? À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 2
105266 My village ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105265 Homework 2.2 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 520
105264 What will you do if you were homeless? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 0
105263 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 332
105262 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105261 My work 6 ÇÏ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 293
105260 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 273
105259 What will you do if you were homeless? ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 370

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04