¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What makes me Happy😁

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*½Å
2021-01-26 622

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

We all want to be happy. So we try to find some method to be happier and to laugh more. What makes you happy? In my case, my family and friends make me happy.
First of all, we can share our troubles and concerns. When we are stressed, we become angry and sensitive. We feel stuffy when we have lots of stress and concerns. We want to release our stress so much. But when we have friends and, family near us, we can share our concerns. That will lead us to feel better and we would be happy!
Second, people become happy when they are comfortable. When we are with our family, we become comfortable and released. When we are released, we become happy because when we are with comfortable people our concerns disappeared. So because of this, some people like to stay with people who they know much and who are comfortable.
In conclusion, family and friends make me happy because first, we can share our troubles and concerns. Second, people become happy when they are comfortable.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Hannah! ^_^
Thank you for doing your homework~
You were able to make good sentences.
Keep it up, dear!

- T. Rina


1. We all want to be happy. 
>> CORRECT!

2. So we try to find some method to be happier and to laugh more. 
>> So we try to find some methods to be happier and to laugh more. 

3. What makes you happy? 
>> CORRECT!

4. In my case, my family and friends make me happy.
>> CORRECT!

5. First of all, we can share our troubles and concerns. 
>> CORRECT!

6. When we are stressed, we become angry and sensitive. 
>> CORRECT!

7. We feel stuffy when we have lots of stress and concerns. 
>> CORRECT!

8. We want to release our stress so much. 
>> We want to relieve stress so much.
OR: We want to reduce stress so much.

9. But when we have friends and, family near us, we can share our concerns. 
>> CORRECT!

10. That will lead us to feel better and we would be happy!
>> CORRECT!

12. Second, people become happy when they are comfortable. 
>> CORRECT!

13. When we are with our family, we become comfortable and released. 
>> When we are with our family, we become comfortable and relieved.

14. When we are released, we become happy because when we are with comfortable people our concerns disappeared. 
>> When we are relieved, we become happy because when we are with the people who make us feel comfortable, our concerns disappear. 

15. So because of this, some people like to stay with people who they know much and who are comfortable.
>> So because of this, some people like to stay with people who they know well and who make them feel comfortable.

16. In conclusion, family and friends make me happy because first, we can share our troubles and concerns. 
>> CORRECT!

17. Second, people become happy when they are comfortable.
>> CORRECT!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104965 Which is always the best part of your day? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-24 411
104964 Why are farmers important in every country? Àü*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-24 1
104963 What kind of work ethics in Korea are you familiar with? Please... ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-23 286
104962 Think of some punishments that could be really effective to... ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-23 353
104961 What do you like most about your own culture? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-23 1
104960 visiting museums to learn about a country. Á¤*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-23 376
104959 COMPOSITION º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-23 1
104958 Please tell me about your memorable business trip. Where did you... ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 3
104957 Would you rather go to someone else\'s house for a party or have... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 395
104956 Sokcho Vacation ±è*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 297
104955 At what age do people usually begin to work in your country? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 389
104954 My opinion about the statement: ¡°Beauty is skin deep¡±. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 385
104953 Do you use chat rooms? If so, what chat rooms do you use and who... Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 416
104952 Homework (209) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 295
104951 Homework ¹Ú*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 379
104950 My fashion! ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 279
104949 The best memory I have had in Prague Á¶*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 5
104948 Yes! I believe in dinosaur! ±è*¶û ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 327
104947 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 303
104946 HOMEWORK °­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-22 301

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04