¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The age which children leave from their parents

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ÁÖ
2021-01-27 419

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my country, children usually leave their parents after they graduate their college.
Many people who attend the college need the help of their parents about tuition of school and living cost.
So, after they graduate their college, they finally seek for job to live by themselves.
At the time, they leave their parents.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Sunny!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


In my country, children usually leave their parents after they graduate their college.

>> In my country, children usually leave their parents' home after they graduate from college.
Many people who attend the college need the help of their parents about tuition of school and living cost.

>> Many people who attend college need the help of their parents with tuition for school and living cost.
So, after they graduate their college, they finally seek for job to live by themselves.

>> So after they graduate from college, they finally seek for a job to live by themselves.

At the time, they leave their parents.

>> At that time, they leave their parents' home.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105345 I never love learning English... À¯*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 349
105344 well... we are not avoiding misunderstanding within the family À¯*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 722
105343 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 338
105342 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 327
105341 Child abuse ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 3
105340 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 6
105339 What do you do when you feel demotivated? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 0
105338 What\'s the best documentary film you\'ve seen so far? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 413
105337 How can child abuse be prevented or avoided? ¿À*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 223
105336 homework ³ë*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 2
105335 Eating out or eating at home ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 0
105334 What are your ways to learn English grammar rules effectively? ³ë*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 2
105333 My... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 5
105332 What are some ways we can help homeless people? È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 372
105331 What is your ideal school/university? Àå*¹è ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 292
105330 Homework ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 274
105329 If you could go back in time and give yourself some advice, what... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 296
105328 What do you do when you feel demotivated? ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 362
105327 Why is art so expensive? Do you think it should be more, or... ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 2
105326 How old is \"old\" for you? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-03 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04