¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The age which children leave from their parents

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ÁÖ
2021-01-27 415

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my country, children usually leave their parents after they graduate their college.
Many people who attend the college need the help of their parents about tuition of school and living cost.
So, after they graduate their college, they finally seek for job to live by themselves.
At the time, they leave their parents.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Sunny!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


In my country, children usually leave their parents after they graduate their college.

>> In my country, children usually leave their parents' home after they graduate from college.
Many people who attend the college need the help of their parents about tuition of school and living cost.

>> Many people who attend college need the help of their parents with tuition for school and living cost.
So, after they graduate their college, they finally seek for job to live by themselves.

>> So after they graduate from college, they finally seek for a job to live by themselves.

At the time, they leave their parents.

>> At that time, they leave their parents' home.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105264 What will you do if you were homeless? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 0
105263 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 310
105262 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 1
105261 My work 6 ÇÏ*³ª ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 284
105260 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 251
105259 What will you do if you were homeless? ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 344
105258 health ½Å*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 3
105257 I... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-02 5
105256 What suggestion can you recommend to your government to increase... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 323
105255 What is something that I have bought recently? Á¶*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 1
105254 Homework º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 2
105253 Homework ÀÓ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 311
105252 What is something you hate doing when you get home? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 308
105251 Homework (215) ¹Ú*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 335
105250 Do you think money can have a negative effect on people? In what... Ȳ*Á¶ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 265
105249 Things that come to my mine when I hear the words ¡°Covid-19¡±. ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 318
105248 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 301
105247 grammar ¼Õ*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 312
105246 T.G.I.F. Mean ±è*Âù ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 2
105245 What comes to mind in February. ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-02-01 275

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04