¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The age which children leave from their parents

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ÁÖ
2021-01-27 406

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my country, children usually leave their parents after they graduate their college.
Many people who attend the college need the help of their parents about tuition of school and living cost.
So, after they graduate their college, they finally seek for job to live by themselves.
At the time, they leave their parents.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Sunny!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


In my country, children usually leave their parents after they graduate their college.

>> In my country, children usually leave their parents' home after they graduate from college.
Many people who attend the college need the help of their parents about tuition of school and living cost.

>> Many people who attend college need the help of their parents with tuition for school and living cost.
So, after they graduate their college, they finally seek for job to live by themselves.

>> So after they graduate from college, they finally seek for a job to live by themselves.

At the time, they leave their parents.

>> At that time, they leave their parents' home.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105136 What are some ways in which gossip can be harmful? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 3
105135 English Homework 21 ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 288
105134 How often do you drink coffee on the go? ÇÑ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105133 Would you describe yourself as lucky? Why? Why not? À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 473
105132 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 3
105131 When i meet someone... ¹®*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 7
105130 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 278
105129 Why do you think body language is important? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 0
105128 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 232
105127 What would you do if you had to travel to a country where it\'s... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 0
105126 Winter season ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 359
105125 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 244
105124 What makes you happy? È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 312
105123 Hi Ysabelle. º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 4
105122 Biden\'s presidency to offer Korean economy greater chance À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105121 photo ½É*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 329
105120 ielts taks 1 ÀÌ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 347
105119 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105118 Beauty stores battered by coronavirus pandemic À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 1
105117 It is good for many things, but it is difficult. ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-28 369

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04