¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Many people spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative developm

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-01-28 303

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

These days, many people spend money and don¡¯t save it.
But even 10 years ago, most people think that saving a money is more important than spending it.
Why did we change so much?
The reason is that our values changed compared to past.
In past, we think that future¡¯s happiness is more important than present happiness.
We think that if we save money reducing consumption, we can live in plenty in the future.
But present values are different from the past.
We think present happiness is more important because we don¡¯t know how we become in the future.
Therefore, we spare no expense to enjoy present life.
I think this change of values is positive thing because we only live once and must enjoy every moment.
But it is allowed to an extent that I can pay for some things for myself.
Freedom is given to people who can be responsible for oneself.
Thank you for reading my essay.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A lovely day to you Cleo~! ^^ One of the most important things to do to become a better writer is simply to read. You¡¯d be hard-pressed to find a great writer who isn¡¯t also a voracious reader. Reading other writers¡¯ work can help you discover new writing methods and expose you to different source material that will improve your writing and inspire you.
Enjoy the experience! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA 
These days, many people spend money and don¡¯t save it.
>>> CORRECT
But even 10 years ago, most people think that saving a money is more important than spending it.
>>> CORRECT
Why did we change so much?
>>> CORRECT
The reason is that our values changed compared to the past.
>>> CORRECT
In past, we think that future¡¯s happiness is more important than present happiness.
>>> In the past, we think that the future¡¯s happiness is more important than the present happiness.
We think that if we save money reducing consumption, we can live in plenty in the future.
>>> We think that if we save money, reducing our consumption, we can live plenty in the future.
But present values are different from the past.
>>> But the present values are different from the past.
We think present happiness is more important because we don¡¯t know how we become in the future.
>>> We think that the present happiness is more important because we don¡¯t know how we become in the future.
Therefore, we spare no expense to enjoy present the life.
>>> CORRECT
I think this change of values is positive thing because we only live once and must enjoy every moment.
>>> I think this change of values is a positive thing because we only live once and must enjoy every moment.
But it is allowed to an extent that I can pay for some things for myself.
>>> CORRECT
Freedom is given to people who can be responsible for oneself.
>>> CORRECT
Thank you for reading my essay.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
105473 Good fences make good neighbors. ¼­*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-08 511
105472 I hate bell pepers. ¼±*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 464
105471 Which is better in eating out? The \"buffet\" way or The... À¯*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 491
105470 Plastic waste crisis thwarts Korea\'s efforts towards greener... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 1
105469 homework ³ë*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 456
105468 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 1
105467 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 2
105466 If you could do anything in a week, what would you do? À¯*¸° ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 0
105465 Homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 5
105464 Have toy ever felt that you knew some people the first time you... ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 516
105463 What are the times of the year that you give gifts in Korea Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 427
105462 Homework0205 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-02-07 656
105461 Whst do you do when you do not fully understand someone\'s... Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-06 489
105460 How would you like to be comforted by your parents? Explain. °û*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-06 489
105459 I would build my own house. Á¶*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-06 2
105458 How can we get rid of bad habits? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 0
105457 Claire\'s homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 497
105456 What memory in your life can you not forget? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 0
105455 Composition º¯*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 2
105454 The memory that I can¡¯t forget in my life ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-02-05 398

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04