¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Many people spend money and not save it. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative developm

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2021-01-28 296

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

These days, many people spend money and don¡¯t save it.
But even 10 years ago, most people think that saving a money is more important than spending it.
Why did we change so much?
The reason is that our values changed compared to past.
In past, we think that future¡¯s happiness is more important than present happiness.
We think that if we save money reducing consumption, we can live in plenty in the future.
But present values are different from the past.
We think present happiness is more important because we don¡¯t know how we become in the future.
Therefore, we spare no expense to enjoy present life.
I think this change of values is positive thing because we only live once and must enjoy every moment.
But it is allowed to an extent that I can pay for some things for myself.
Freedom is given to people who can be responsible for oneself.
Thank you for reading my essay.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

A lovely day to you Cleo~! ^^ One of the most important things to do to become a better writer is simply to read. You¡¯d be hard-pressed to find a great writer who isn¡¯t also a voracious reader. Reading other writers¡¯ work can help you discover new writing methods and expose you to different source material that will improve your writing and inspire you.
Enjoy the experience! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA 
These days, many people spend money and don¡¯t save it.
>>> CORRECT
But even 10 years ago, most people think that saving a money is more important than spending it.
>>> CORRECT
Why did we change so much?
>>> CORRECT
The reason is that our values changed compared to the past.
>>> CORRECT
In past, we think that future¡¯s happiness is more important than present happiness.
>>> In the past, we think that the future¡¯s happiness is more important than the present happiness.
We think that if we save money reducing consumption, we can live in plenty in the future.
>>> We think that if we save money, reducing our consumption, we can live plenty in the future.
But present values are different from the past.
>>> But the present values are different from the past.
We think present happiness is more important because we don¡¯t know how we become in the future.
>>> We think that the present happiness is more important because we don¡¯t know how we become in the future.
Therefore, we spare no expense to enjoy present the life.
>>> CORRECT
I think this change of values is positive thing because we only live once and must enjoy every moment.
>>> I think this change of values is a positive thing because we only live once and must enjoy every moment.
But it is allowed to an extent that I can pay for some things for myself.
>>> CORRECT
Freedom is given to people who can be responsible for oneself.
>>> CORRECT
Thank you for reading my essay.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
104890 It is the most important for people to eat food. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 3
104889 How has the film industry changed throughout the years? Can you... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 2
104888 Homework 1.21 Àå*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 283
104887 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 331
104886 Can you remember what you did each year on your birthday? What... È«*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 3
104885 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 207
104884 HOMEWORK ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 310
104883 Why are farmers important in every country? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 2
104882 Which among your things do you like best? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 221
104881 Homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 277
104880 How do you take care of your hair? ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 1
104879 What do you intend on doing differently this year? °û*È¿ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 292
104878 Why do you think some people remain single? ä*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 282
104877 Can you talk about four restaurants near your house where you... Á¤*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 271
104876 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 2
104875 homework ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 224
104874 How do I take care of my hair Àü*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 1
104873 Even though doctors advise old people to get more exercise, many... ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 277
104872 homework_21.01.19 ÀÌ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 3
104871 It\'s my homework Á¶*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-01-21 231

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04